Pulitzer Prize Dis-Honors: British Lettuce Leadership Rose, Fecal Travel Woes, and Power Ranger Ramen Foes

(AP Photo/Stack’s Bowers Galleries)

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism that is worthy of a skewed version of Pulitzer Prize consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions for the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. To properly recognize the low watermark in the press, let us get right to the latest exemplars of journalistic mis-excellence.


Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

  • Sandra Salathe – Yahoo Finance

In their piece on criticizing how a pregnancy support organization is not doing enough to help pregnant women in need, Yahoo manages to sell the concept that the country currently facing a shortage of diapers is being exacerbated by the devious pro-life people causing there to be more babies using up the supply.


Distinguished Public Service

  • Alex Mitchell – New York Post

It’s not as if overweight individuals need more denial, but here it comes anyway. According to a recent study air pollution is said to be a cause of women becoming overweight. Women in areas with pronounced pollutants were said to succumb to weight gain, as certain particles were noted to cause physiological alterations. Call me a science denier if you will, but I have questions.

Does this mean only fat women are the ones breathing air? How is this phenomenon not affecting males? Why are the women in notoriously smog-infested Beijing still slender? And…so on…


Distinguished Feature Writing

  • Chris Cillizza – CNN

The network’s resident deep-thinker believes he has hit upon a novel way to transform our cities into a more agreeable version of the perfect society. Cillizza proposes a pedestrian-focused urban plan, with centralized amenities for citizens and an agrarian supply chain just beyond the metropolitan sprawl that induces a more modern and efficient way of life. He actually has a proven model for this new design that is assured to be a success — Wakanda, the kingdom portrayed in “Black Panther”.


Yes, our city solutions are all at the ready based on a fictional locale. Of course, the only thing we need to do is alter ourselves into a walled-off monoculture ruled by a monarchy and convert everything to a Vibranium-based economy, and then easy enough – Utopia!


Distinguished International Reporting

  • The Daily Star

As the news sent shockwaves throughout Britain that recently installed Prime Minister Liz Truss was already stepping down after less than two months in office, one outlet was rather pleased with itself. British tabloid The Daily Star set up a rather cheeky contest of sorts, displaying a head of lettuce on a table beside a photo of PM Truss and then placing this on YouTube as a live feed in order to see which would last longer. To say the paper is ecstatic over its “victory” might be trafficking in understatement.


Distinguished Cultural Commentary

  • Meredith Goldstein – Boston Globe

You really wish you could have been there when the editor handed out this assignment. Goldstein, a travel writer at The Globe, looks into what is apparently a serious phenomenon with those in her realm of travel. The writer explores the deep curiosity behind (ahem) the fact that some people experience difficulty with their…leavings after they leave home. Apparently moving across borders affects some with bowel movement difficulty.



Distinguished Local Reporting

  • Dion Lim – ABC Channel 7 San Francisco 

The mounting crime wave in San Francisco has many wondering if anyone will step up and take charge. Who can save us?!?! (Cue Bonnie Tyler’s “I Need A Hero”).

At a local ramen restaurant a woman came in as she was pursued by an attacker, and when the man became violent many of the staffers jumped in to protect her and subdue the assailant. Guess he chose the wrong eatery in which to stage his attack, as the servers were all dressed as Power Rangers when they rose up to end the assault.


Distinguished Coverage In Frozen Desserts

  • C-SPAN

With coverage of a Joe Biden visit to a Baskin Robins in Oregon CSPAN was dutiful to detail the confectionary order by the President while sidestepping the blatant fabrications he made about the economy during his visit, as well as his creeping on a young girl who was a customer seated nearby.



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