Pulitzer Prize Dis-Honors: Velshi Shoots off His Mouth, Cassidy Hutchinson Dons a Cape, and Batman Booked in Egypt

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism worthy of a skewed version of Pulitzer Prize consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions for the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. To properly recognize the low watermark in the press, let us get right to the latest exemplars of journalistic mis-excellence.

Distinguished Political Cartoons

Lara Antal – Washington Post

To say the media has been enraptured by the allegedly damning witness appearance by Cassidy Hutchinson is an understatement. Some have made others uncomfortable with the breathless fawning over her.

Adding to the embarrassments of lauding this compromised witness was the Washington Post, which decided to turn Hutchinson’s testimony into a graphic novel of sorts, turning Cassidy into a Marvel superhero–after a fashion.

How are we expected to not laugh at this WaPo graphic novel treatment of the Cassidy Hutchinson testimony?!
I cannot wait for the 12-book storyline of ''The Insurrector'', from THE CAPITOL LEAGUE series of comics!!!https://t.co/4zrK0TnEpp pic.twitter.com/ePi6jajfhr

— Lie-Able Sources (@LieAbleSources) July 5, 2022

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

Sophia Tulp – Associated Press

I don’t want readers to take offense, as I’m not condescending to you all–but I feel a need to explain a social media basic for the sake of journalists.

See, when someone prominent dies, there is a tendency on social media to make a wry commentary by suggesting the individual had some dirt on the Clintons, and this was what ultimately led to their demise. This mirthful enterprise may arrive via tweets, photos, or memes. I provide this explainer as a service to the fact-checkers, so they maybe can avoid the embarrassment of being seen correcting a joke under their masthead.

Shinzo Abe, the former prime minister of Japan who was assassinated on Friday, did not tweet about Hillary Clinton the day before he died. A screenshot purporting to show such a tweet was fabricated. https://t.co/eNObjpxxdT

— AP Fact Check (@APFactCheck) July 8, 2022

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

Erin Hill — People Magazine

As someone who just recently had celebrated the way our nation had shrugged off monarchal oppression, I have to admit to never understanding the fascination with British royalty. Factor in the personality void that is Meghan Markle, and the manner in which she and her princely spouse have been critical of our country, and my apathy only deepens.

It is for this reason that not only do I harbor zero interest in their activities, but that I cannot grasp how anyone would be captivated to learn about her new digit jewelry, and the possible message contained therein. But since People Magazine is on the case, I have to assume this is vital information.

Meghan Markle's New Pinky Ring Revealed — and It Has a Hidden Message for Women's Empowerment https://t.co/8sX9jqQZEK

— People (@people) July 5, 2022

Distinguished Breaking News

Ali Velshi — MSNBC

When the claims of the Highland Park shooter being a Trump supporter fell apart, the press had to shift over to placing focus on guns. At MSNBC, they managed to screw up this attempt at reframing the narrative, as well. Stephanie Ruhle was addressing this issue from her new 11pm timeslot, and she threw it to Ali Velshi, reporting on the ground from the Illinois bedroom community.

Said Velshi of the incident –“Guns get in from other places because there aren’t hard borders between states, and that’s the same problem with Highland Park. Guns get in from other places.”

The problem? The Highland Park shooter purchased his weaponry legally in…Illinois.

Distinguished Local Reporting

Gage Goulding — WBBH-NBC2

On Sanibel Island, Florida, beaches, large holes have been turning up. Authorities looked into the matter and determined that these were appearing as a result of a new trend that was appearing on social media. Apparently, there is a new challenge emerging on Tik Tok. The challenge is to see if you can dig a hole.

DANGEROUS NEW TREND: There’s a new TikTok challenge that’s leaving SWFL beaches littered with GIANT holes.

Tonight at 11 on @NBC2, I’m digging to learn why it’s dangerous to you and me, plus wildlife. pic.twitter.com/rjRiKdB0Tb

— Gage Goulding – NBC2 (@GageGoulding) June 28, 2022

Distinguished Sports Reporting

Jon Hoefling — Deadspin

Minor league baseball is filled with charm, purity, and respected traditions. None of those were in play during a recent game the Eugene Emeralds were in. The team’s manager Allan Benavides took a break from his dugout duties and made his way up to the press box, in order to deliver his rendition of the classic 7th Inning stretch song, “Take Me Out To The Ball Game”.

He had a unique twist on his version, as it were — he sang the ditty while he was getting a prostate exam. Certainly, this was done as a means of promoting the procedure for the male fans, but it seems unlikely the coach will be repeating the stunt this season.

1) doctors recommend getting prostate exams at most once a year, so unless Benavides really enjoyed it, he won’t be getting another during this season at least, and 2) his team has lost every game they’ve played since getting the exam.

How else are you supposed to sing Take Me Out to the Ballgame? https://t.co/pFxNayO73m pic.twitter.com/hnl5ca3mS9

— Deadspin (@Deadspin) July 3, 2022

Distinguished International Reporting

Tom Brown — The Daily Mail

In Egypt, the police broke up a late-night fight that was about to commence. This was not a drunken brawl, however, but an organized competition. Four men had been squabbling online about which one was the actual Batman, and they were squaring off in public to determine who would be crowned appropriately.

The authorities brought an end to things, before a heroic resolution came to pass.