Zebras Are Running Loose Around D.C. and That Is Not the Weird Part

(Francisco Kjolseth/The Salt Lake Tribune via AP)

When you deny involvement when there is no crime, you sound suspect.

Things have become completely unhinged in the nation’s capital, so why not add to the mayhem? For a few days now, it has been a story of mild interest in the area that five zebras have escaped from a compound where they had been kept. They have reportedly splintered to evade capture, with one trio running off and the remaining duo taking a different escape plan. 


It’s the kind of nonsensical story that is basically welcomed, what with the world in complete disarray from the border, to the White House, to Afghanistan, and even our banks, as the economy continues to meltdown, to say nothing of our own President Softserve calling to override the Constitution on the regular. Hell, a small herd of black-and-whites on the lam is a far more tolerable piece of news worth following.

But if this is considered a weird story (as a Floridian I am unsure, as our measure of weird is far higher than most) but there is a component to this one that has arrived that certainly raises the stakes. As the days of freedom unspooled, there is now the arrival of a new aspect to this story, and if anyone comes up with a cogent explanation, I am receptive to interpretation. While some are curious how this escape transpired we have a federal politician arriving to clear her name.

AP/Reuters Feed Library

D.C. Representative Eleanor Holmes Norton has released a statement today, and it is the kind of thing that requires more questions to be asked. Norton’s release declares boldly that she denies any involvement in the release of the zebras. A scan across the news wires shows no prior mention of her being attached to this event, and yet here we are — she has categorically and officially stated she was not involved.

As we are left to wonder what her connection might be, she states that “The charges are understandable,” which then means that as far as things go, she is the only one who finds this understandable. But she continues from there, going a step further to even offer up an alibi. This is starting to sound like a deep state conspiracy involving multi-channeled agencies — and zoology.


Her official statement sheds light on her alleged connection.

Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton (D-DC) issued a statement today denying responsibility for letting loose the six zebras that have been on the run in the D.C. suburbs. The charges were made known when a member of the public noted that, historically, Norton has valued the principle of consent of the governed, most notably in the fight for statehood for the District. More recently, Norton has also been known to oppose unnecessary fences.

There it is!  Her past stance against the security fencing around the Capitol has come back to haunt, as clearly some political opponent(s) have worked to have this issue tied back to the local politician. Possibly these animals were released in an effort to frame her, with an errant accusation of her committing this release. Ah, but the cagey Norton is ahead of the game, and she outflanks this gambit attempted by her political foes.

.“Local news has reported that the zebras were let loose on Saturday or Sunday of last weekend, a period of time during which I was enjoying quiet time at home with family,” Norton said. “My alibi is solid, but given my career of fighting for statehood for the District, which includes years of explaining the importance of having consent of the governed, and given my recent opposition to fences, I can understand why the charge was made. I hope the owners find the zebras and that all involved live long, full lives.”


So there it is folks, a lesson in how to deal with the venal operations of the dark underbelly of D.C. politics. Document everything, anticipate anything and outwit and outflank your foes. Ms. Norton, you have earned your place in the swamp.


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