Premium

Hang Some New Awards Shelves as Pulitzers Are Due For These Reports On President Biden's Dogs and His Ice Cream Quandary

(AP Photo/Stack’s Bowers Galleries)

Seriously…

Now were the members of the D.C. journalism set serious about their careers this could be a rife period for them to launch a career into new strata. The border crisis, omnibus spending bills, threatening labor law proposals, the pandemic reactions, the new voting laws coming up in Congress and in Georgia — there is ample material to be mined for notoriety. But this is a new era — the Era Of Joe Biden — and the 4-year vacation for the press has already begun.

Who has time to spend digging into the specs of a new green energy spending proposal when you have low-hanging fruit to fill column spaces?! That is the kind of story that takes effort, requires research, and probably time-consuming interviews. That is the stuff for intrepid interns and fresh-out-of-NYU graduate stringers. The real professionals have much more important things to occupy their careers.

This is the red meat news consumers crave. And, just as a heads up to the rapacious devourers of currents events, tune back in to Bloomberg this Sunday, as President Biden will be free from the shackles of theistic denial and we can find out what flavor of frozen confectionary he settled upon to celebrate his return to dessert bliss.

Another gripping report emanated from the White House today, as the journalistic skill set was put to the test. Nick Arama alerted us earlier to the case of the canine fecal deposit spotted in the West Wing, and intrepid news sleuth Kathryn Watson was on the scene.

Over at CNN, we have Brian Stelter vying for his own trophy, as when it comes to breaking award-winning news he is never one to walk away from a challenge. (Though he is one to never run away from one.) Brian is on the deposed Donald Trump beat — because those CNN ratings are not going to repair themselves. Tater netted a big scoop this weekend when he let the world in on the breaking news that the former President in retirement has been actively…picking up the phone and making calls.

We hear he may have been on the blower at least FOUR TIMES over the past week. Crunching the numbers, that totals out to be nearly one phone call every who gives a good damn?!

Over at USA Today their business reporter Nathan Bomey is vying to get the Pulitzer for Excellence In Whining Like a 7-Year-Old. The cagey commerce scribe is rather bent out of shape over a trusted source at the automaker Volkswagen who duped Nate when they insisted they were totally completely 100 percent serious…as they were selling an April Fools gag.

We would point out that Nate spent more time penning this lengthy thread complaining about not getting a joke instead of looking into whether the company filed a new trademark application, or possibly noting that the tweet they sent out suggesting they changed the name did not itself come from a social media account bearing the name change — but we do not want to ruin his chances of nabbing the coveted medal.

The last entrant was submitted by The Daily Beast, as they tore into the heart of the story of Miami Beach exploding into chaos during Spring Break. As curious images of a shirtless reveler adorned in Joker makeup became a moderately viral image for a time the news outlet did the only responsible thing — they doxxed the unknown citizen who broke no laws and was not a feature story in any fashion.

The Pulitzer committee will soon consider your entry for their award…just as soon as the editors at The Beast can deliver a cogent reason why they felt this was a needed item to report on.