The Babylon Bee and Jesse Kelly Win the Internet with Hits on Rep. Eric Swalwell and His Chinese Honey Trap

By Bonchie | 9:15 PM on December 15, 2020

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As you are probably aware, a Chinese spy named Christine Fang (otherwise known as ‘Fang Fang’) made the Democrat rounds over the last decade, including ingratiating herself to Russian collusion truther Rep. Eric Swalwell. He has not denied a sexual relationship with the woman and has chosen to remain very quiet since the news broke (see Sources Say Eric Swalwell Had Sexual Relationship with Chinese Spy, He Continues to Not Deny It). Because he’s a Democrat, though, the media are happy to play long with his obfuscation, not asking him any questions that could expose what really happened.

Meanwhile, the jokes are flying about some of the men Fang went after. For example, here she is with Bill Harrison.

This woman loves China more than you’ve ever loved anything. https://t.co/lnW5Oqygff

— Jesse Kelly (@JesseKellyDC) December 14, 2020

I can’t argue there. She was certainly dedicated to her craft.

Then this afternoon, as if all this wasn’t hilarious enough, The Babylon Bee swoops in and just nukes this story.

Mother of God https://t.co/z5H8m2sNzX

— Bonchie (@bonchieredstate) December 15, 2020

“Please — don’t make me go back!” she begged after returning to China in 2015. “I’ll do anything! I’ll break rocks! I’ll build a railroad! I’ll — I’ll even make shoes for Nike! Just don’t make me go back and date that man again!”

“It’s cruel and unusual punishment. Which, I guess, is allowed here, but still. It’s not a good look,” she said.

An international human rights board agreed, putting pressure on the Chinese government to stop forcing spies to date Eric Swalwell and other U.S. congressmen. “We call on the Chinese to resort to traditional methods of punishment like labor camps, torture, and just straight-up executing citizens rather than the cruelty of sending spies to America to date congressmen.”

I mean, I know it’s satire, but I was once reliably informed that if it feels true, it must be true. This certainly feels true, right? I’m not sure there’s a creepier member of Congress than Swalwell. I mean, maybe Adam Schiff? But you have to at least respect how cunning he is. With Swalwell, he just is what he is.

Meanwhile, the media continue to black the story out completely.