The 2020 election season is upon us. Yesterday morning, Beto O’Rourke announced his entry into the Democratic primary race to much applause and frothing among our media elites. He even got the Chris “thrill up my leg” Matthews seal of approval with this scorching take.
Matthews displayed the cover of the magazine and claimed it was the “best kiss I’ve seen for a candidate in a long time.”
“I always say the candidate wins who’s got the sun in his face, who looks like sunny, optimistic, not the indoor bureaucrat sitting at some desk somewhere,” Matthews said. “That’s the image you want.”
Best kiss, eh? I’ll take your word for it, Chris, because I’m not even sure what that means.
Not content to sit on the sidelines, President Trump jumped into the fray to throw a few opening punches at Beto. He was asked for his thoughts on the former live-in nanny and failed Senate candidate entering of the race. His answer was classic Donald Trump.
“I’ve never seen so much hand movement,” Trump said after Beto O’Rourke's presidential candidacy announcement.
— POLITICO (@politico) March 14, 2019
Trump was referring to Beto’s announcement video, which does, in fact, include an unhealthy amount of hand movement.
And it wasn’t only Trump who noticed.
lots of hand movement https://t.co/DICFtk53M7
— John Harwood (@JohnJHarwood) March 14, 2019
I just assumed Robert Francis O’Rourke was acting as his own sign language interpreter
— Sean Spicier (@sean_spicier) March 14, 2019
Maybe all this overbearing energy is why his dog looks like he just wants to end it all? You’d be worn out too living with this guy.
When he’s not thrashing around with the world’s worst case of involuntary jazz hands, he’s coming up with excellent, original marketing for his campaign. Like ripping off Whataburger’s spicy ketchup for his logo.
spicy ketchup for america pic.twitter.com/hRNVHIQgED
— Josh Billinson (@jbillinson) March 14, 2019
Here’s the thing about Beto and why Trump would have his way with him. He tries too hard. Whether it’s the insane arm flapping, the constant stump speeches, or the lofty “rise above it” language he’s always spouting, the guy just comes across as fake. The story of his upbringing is so boring and privileged that he had to go make up a new one about him struggling to find himself as a punk rocker dressed like a furry. Yes, that really happened and when Trump makes it a campaign issue it’s going to be glorious.
Beto is what all the nerds at CNN wanted to be when they grew up but they just weren’t cool enough. The chicks dig him, his sleeves roll up to the perfect length, and he can bang out three chords around a campfire to the swoons of onlookers. Unable to reach Beto’s pinnacle the media live vicariously through him with flowing think pieces on his cross country travels and penchant for skateboarding. Meanwhile, the rest of us are just laughing.
What would happen if Beto ended up on a stage with Trump? This, this is what would happen.
I can’t wait until Trump starts calling him Robert instead of Beto. Watching Don Lemon spin a slap at a skinny white dude into a charge of racism will be primo TV.
Hogan Gidley refers to Beto O'Rourke as “Robert Francis" on Fox just now. Asked whether that's what Trump will call him, he replies, “Why wouldn’t he? That’s his name.”
— Felicia Sonmez (@feliciasonmez) March 14, 2019
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