CDC: Don’t Get Amorous With Your Chickens

(AP Photo/Robert F. Bukaty)

The Centers for Disease Control has had a rough couple of years, constantly making fools of themselves during this endless COVID “pandemic” by issuing laughable, often contradictory orders.


From the Washington Post in 2020, as the pandemic raged:

The agency’s response to the worst public health crisis in a century — the coronavirus pandemic — has been marked by technical blunders and botched messaging…

Worst of all, the CDC has experienced a loss of institutional credibility at a time when the nation desperately needs to know whom to trust.

They’ve fallen to new lows recently though, with their pornographic, laughable new edicts regarding monkeypox and salmonella.

Their latest: Don’t get amorous with your chickens. Or even your ducks, if that’s your lane.

Fox News helpfully reports:

In a recent investigation notice titled Salmonella Outbreaks Linked to Backyard Poultry, the health agency (the CDC) explained that domestic fowl like chickens and ducks can be salmonella carriers, so backyard flock owners should make sure to not “kiss or snuggle” these birds in order to avoid infection.

Sometimes I wish I was a health official, because I would say things like, “Hey, how about maybe don’t be a freakin’ weirdo?” Maybe don’t get amorous with your fowl because that’s well… foul.


The way of transmission has also led the CDC to advise people to not eat or drink around backyard poultry because it could be possible for salmonella bacteria to land on food, liquids or packaging, which would likely transmit the illness through someone’s mouth.

You can’t help but wonder — who was sitting in the chicken coop scarfing down a burger? Was there nowhere else to eat?

But if the CDC hasn’t beclowned itself enough already, they gave out these handy tips for avoiding monkeypox:

Oh, thank god. I was worried, TBH, but now I know that if I masturbate at a distance I should be fine. I’ll also be sure not to rub my sores up against anyone else’s. And while doing so, I will be sure to wear my N95. I will be… Super safe!

This is getting outright gross, CDC. Have some self-respect.


Also, as long as we’re entering the uncomfortable zone here, how exactly do you have sex with no in-person contact? I need to know.

This is in the same week that CDC Director Rochelle Wallensky gleefully, almost rapturously announced that COVID vaccines are now available for littluns aged six months to five years. It was almost impossible not to be creeped out by the ecstasy she apparently felt now that she has the chance to inject small children with experimental drugs.

Before the pandemic, the CDC was a respected institution that delivered sober advice and pertinent health information. Nowadays, after their repeated mistakes and falsehoods, they are a joke.


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