Welcome to Are We Doomed? the weekly column in which I will take the latest news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
Dog Rescue
I hate that this happened to this pupperino, but I’m so glad that it’s ok.Verdict: We’re not doomed, because people are willing to rescue doggos.
A Few of My Favorite Things
Ok, just two- dogs and snow.
This pup couldn't contain its excitement experiencing snow for the first time! https://t.co/2o1pujFmBR pic.twitter.com/fdarG5mNyK
— ABC News (@ABC) December 4, 2019
Verdict: There are dogs and snow. Of course everything is going to be fine.
Contemporary Art(?)
Some person claiming to be an artist duct-taped a banana to a wall and called it art.
Nope. $120,000. It sold for $120,000. To reiterate, a banana duct-taped to a wall sold for $12,000.
Then, a “performance artist” went and ate the banana in front of a room full of people.
So, I guess the whole thing was ruined?
No! Everything is ok! Because the original artist says that “He did not destroy the art work. The banana is the idea.” You see, the weirdo who spent $120,000 on a fresh banana obviously knew it was going to rot, so all he would have in the end was the certificate of authenticity and he (she) still has that. So…yay?
Verdict: We are completely doomed. Think of what $120,000 could have done for kids in need at Christmas, or for helping people with medical bills, getting a family ahead on their mortgage. Even just buying something that wasn’t a perishable piece of fruit. This is stupid, wasteful, and we are doomed.
American History for Kids
Your humble blogger writes American history books for kids and does a podcast to bring those stories to life. Why am I telling you this now? Because…
Verdict: Those who do not understand history are doomed to repeat it, and you know kids aren’t learning American history in schools.
Cats and Dogs and Human Cats
This app (I guess it’s the Chinese version of TikTok?) has a cat filter. These pet owners used it and showed their pets (they are cats at the beginning, but stick around for the dogs) and they were not super impressed.
Verdict: Let’s face it, this has nothing to do with doom, I just wanted to show you this video.
Patriotic Eagle
A bald eagle smashed into a window at tax preparation office in Virginia, then flew away without injury. Because he is avian Ron Swanson.
Verdict: We are not doomed when we have heroes like this fighting for us.
Santa, Baby.
Listen. Our esteemed editor Kira Davis is one of my best friends. She’s also extremely wrong about Santa. At least she was right that it’s important to make sure your kids don’t ruin it for anyone else. Too bad she was wrong about the rest of it. Kira, I think our friendship is strong enough to get through this, but feel free to send lavish gifts and/or butter me up at any opportunity.
Verdict: Christmas has a magic to it and I still believe in Santa. When we let kids have that magic, we’re not doomed.
Christmas Romance!
One of my favorite things about the Christmas season (ok, my favorite thing about the Christmas season is, quite honestly, everything) is the movies. I love the classics like Miracle on 34th Street and It’s a Wonderful Life. I love the comedies like Just Friends and Christmas Vacation. I love the sweet ones like Love, Actually and The Holiday. And you better believe I love the super cheesy Hallmark movies and, when you love something as much as I love those for as long as I’ve loved these, there’s only one thing to do about it…podcast.
I’ve been watching at least 30 of these a year (that honestly might not be an exaggeration) for the ten years they’ve been on, so I’m something of an expert. The aforementioned Kira is not wrong about Hallmark movies like she’s wrong about Santa so, when she asked me to join her in podcasting about them, I was thrilled to join her. Let us bless your ears.
Verdict: You can’t possibly be doomed with content like this out there.
What’s the final analysis?
There was very little doom out there this week. It’s a Christmas miracle!
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