Welcome to Are We Doomed? the weekly column in which I will take the latest news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
Counting With John John
John John was on Sesame Street in 1974 counting with Herry Monster. When this tweet popped into my timeline last week, my heart just melted (wait until they hit number 20!).
— Jason Fechner (@jasonfechner) November 29, 2019
Verdict: This video was all over Twitter, and pretty much everybody was loving it. Uniting over some good, wholesome content gives me a little bit of faith in humanity.
No, Thank You
Unfortunately, everybody was also tweeting about this.
— Jezebel (@Jezebel) November 25, 2019
Verdict: Do you honestly have to ask?
Respect is Cancelled
This Thanksgiving, we could all agree not to talk about divisive topics that would only lead to family arguments but, instead, some families opted for far more ridiculous things.
The Associated Press, of all things, suggested a moderator.
Worried that impeachment talk could spoil Thanksgiving dinner? An etiquette coach suggests setting aside a room for such discussions and designating a calm relative as a moderator. https://t.co/2ZRg6ydOp6
— The Associated Press (@AP) November 27, 2019
How is this enjoyable for everyone. You’re now in separate rooms, you’ve endorsed divisive talk on a day that’s all about appreciating each other, and some poor family member has to facilitate this.
Verdict: We are fully doomed when we can’t set aside a day with the people we love just to give thanks. There are things much more important than politics, everybody.
Bringing Down Big Tuna
Did you know there was some kind of tuna fish cartel? Nor did I but, apparently, it existed. In 2017, Bumblebee Tuna pled guilty to price fixing after forming a cartel with Chicken of the Sea and Starkist.
They faced a $25 million fine ($17 million of which they still owe) and have now declared bankruptcy.
Verdict: A world with a tuna fish cartel is not one that’s doing well.
Remember when the mainstream media blew the lid off of the Conan the Hero Dog photoshop scandal?
Well, that crack team of journalists was back at it again this week. President Trump tweeted this:
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 27, 2019
Hey, I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean, either, but I’ve stopped looking for his Twitter feed to make sense. You know what I didn’t think? That it might be real. Don’t worry, the Washington Post was on it, just to be sure.
Trump tweets doctored photo of his head on Sylvester Stallone’s body, unclear why https://t.co/WQwG5tSXtZ
— The Washington Post (@washingtonpost) November 27, 2019
Honestly, all I could think of was this (warning, F word at the link, sorry. I swear I tried to find a shorter clip without it.):
Team Trump pushed back, saying there was no evidence the photo isn’t real.
Verdict: The tweet is odd, to say the least, and the media is spending their time on this. Moderate-to-severe doom. t the same time, I do appreciate the media making themselves look ridiculous.
Unless this is your first Are We Doomed? and you also don’t follow me on Twitter, you know I love dogs. Maybe you don’t know that I love all animals because I’m pretty much obsessed with pupperinos, but I do. So, I was glad to hear that Minneapolis waived adoption fees last week in an attempt to get every animal a home. And, guess what? They did!
— WCCO – CBS Minnesota (@WCCO) November 23, 2019
Doesn’t that just make your heart happy?
Verdict: Every single animal found a forever home, and all of those families have a new pet to snuggle. This is a doom-free scenario.
Not all animals were so lucky, but they got a nice Thanksgiving dinner in the shelter.
— FOX8 WGHP (@myfox8) November 29, 2019
So sweet! 😍 The @animalfndlv is making sure Las Vegas shelter dogs get to celebrate #Thanksgiving too! Volunteers are at the shelter today to prepare feasts of cauliflower, chicken and other veggies for the dogs. (📸: @FOX5_Tiana) pic.twitter.com/hAKAOx312E
— FOX5 Las Vegas (@FOX5Vegas) November 28, 2019
Verdict: There are good people in the world who care enough to make Thanksgiving special for cats and dogs. I am thankful for them, for loving these animals and making the world less doomed.
This is a thing that actually happened.
Five teenagers including 13-year-old girl arrested after 'machete' brawl during Frozen 2 viewing https://t.co/X8PtMAXV6D
— The Independent (@Independent) November 24, 2019
Verdict: The highest level of impending doom possible.
Is This Winnie the Pooh?
This beekeeper was having a hard time with bears stealing his honey. So, he decided to put the bears to work as taste testers.
This is what happened in an epic battle between a beekeeper and honey-stealing bears in Turkey’s Trabzon province pic.twitter.com/LexHMCYwLz
— TRT World (@trtworld) August 21, 2019
Family is Everywhere
Four years ago, a grandma texted her grandson to invite him to Thanksgiving dinner. The only problem? She texted the wrong number, and the text went to a complete stranger, 17 year-old Jamal Hinton. He replied saying that she had the wrong number, but jokingly asked if he could still “get a plate.” She replied “Of course you can. That’s what grandmas do…feed every one (SIC).”
Not only did Jamal come to Thanksgiving that year, but he comes every year. This was their fourth Thanksgiving together, and the world is a little bit better because of it. Some say it started with a wrong number, I say she texted exactly the number she needed to.
The internet is good sometimes. https://t.co/rAGL4yEkpc
— Mashable (@mashable) November 29, 2019
Verdict: With all of these good people in the world, we’re not doomed at all.
Everyone Needs Their Mama
Even big, bold football players.
I know I’m a week late on that one, but I didn’t see it before last week’s installment and it was too good to skip.
Verdict: If all parents were this supportive, and all kids this grateful, we’d be doing pretty well. Hopefully, this will show young men that it’s ok to love your mama.
So, Are We Doomed?
There was some weird and scary stuff this week but, on the whole, people are still good. It’s just possible we’re not doomed after all.