Abortion Activist Retreats to the Top of a Now-Closed Bridge to Reroute the Nation's Future

Friday’s SCOTUS decision to overturn Roe. v. Wade has sent shockwaves across the country. And in the District of Columbia, it propelled one man up a bridge.

Guido Reichstadter is no stranger to putting himself in peculiar places. Earlier this month, he became convinced he should be beyond barricades and chained to a fence — just outside the Supreme Court. While media looked on, he tried to crush the key that would otherwise open his bike lock.

Guido had evidently realized he would change the nation’s future by shackling his neck to an opaque, X-patterned metal. “I am not letting my daughter’s rights be taken away by this unelected, unaccountable Supreme Court,” he shouted triumphantly.

Anti-abortion @PAAUNOW activists began chanting "Pro-choice, that's a lie, babies never choose to die" as police responded to Guido Rechstadter chained to the fence.

"I am not letting my daughter's rights be taken away by this unelected, unaccountable Supreme Court," he yelled. pic.twitter.com/qmblgyTYcI

— Ford Fischer (@FordFischer) June 6, 2022

Apparently, he later concluded the attempt had failed to take hold. In the aftermath, he determined success would be obtained by more altitudinous means.

From Fox News:

A man climbed the Frederick Douglass Memorial Bridge in Washington, D.C. on Friday to protest the Supreme Court’s decision overturning Roe v. Wade.

The man, who has revealed himself on Twitter as Guido Reichstadter, began climbing the bridge at around 11 a.m., according to FOX 5 DC. While the man was on the bridge, traffic came to a halt while officials tried to contact the man.

Calling on America to continuously shut down the government, Guido tweeted while higher than birds:

Hey I'm at the top of the Frederick Douglass bridge in Washington DC right now & want to know why YOU aren't in the streets nonviolently shutting down the gov day after day after day till Congress protects abortion rights? Rise Up my Friends! pic.twitter.com/sDuqmpi8fm

— Guido Reichstadter (@GuidoReichstad1) June 24, 2022

As reported by The Daily Wire, a journalist messaged the world-changer as he meandered 70 feet in the air.

He communicated his calculation:

“I found a way up, I’ll find one down, I guess…”

There’s clearly always a way down, but it may not be a route worth pursuing. Luckily for Guido, the government he was closing remained open to save him from his efforts. Around noon, authorities placed a large balloon below.

He may not have wiped out the government, but he managed to close off a critical roadway.

DDOT made it official:

The District Department of Transportation (DDOT) announces that the Frederick Douglas Memorial Bridge (FDMB) is currently shut down. The closure is needed for safety concerns involved with protest activity and will remain in effect until further notice. Motorists are strongly encouraged to plan ahead for their afternoon commute and use alternate routes away from the South Capital Street and the FDMB area. Traffic enforcement officers are on the scene directing traffic. Motorists should use extra caution as they travel in the area of the FDMB, anticipate moderate delays, and to be mindful of emergency personnel.

On Instagram, Guido announced he’d remain in the air “as long as [he] physically can.”

In the arena of “If-then” computation, an elect of activists serve as America’s mystics. Through apparent cosmic means, they discern magical methods by which to alter the universe.

To Oscar nominee James Cromwell, it was recently revealed that if he glued himself to a Starbucks, black people would finally afford fake milk:

Bridges appear to be of particular supernatural use. In 2019, spellbinders at Houston’s Fred Hartman Bridge divined they’d save the planet by dangling as enchanted dingleberries:

Hopefully for bridge-toppling Guido, at the summit of his power, he’ll make true celestial contact. Explaining his ascent, he texted, “Getting closer to God.”

Be careful up there, sir, or you’ll end up a lot closer to Him than you’d planned.

As of 7 p.m. EST, The Great Guido appeared to still be bridging us to the future:

Police just said theyre about to cut cell coms

Love everyone getting in the streets for everyone we love- stay strong

Rise up for Abortion rights!

Shut it down nonviolently day after day after day till you get what you came for!

See you real soon!

— Guido Reichstadter (@GuidoReichstad1) June 24, 2022