A southern man was arrested recently after slicing someone’s genitals — his own.
Perhaps it was a case of too much Tennessee Whiskey, but 39-year-old Tyson Gilbert of Cookeville made a very bold choice.
On the morning of August 26th, he led law enforcement on a two-county pedal-to-the-metal parade.
As reported by Smithville’s WJLE, State Trooper Bobby Johnson spotted Tyson’s car in a roadway illegally parked.
Hence, he pulled up behind and turned on his lights.
The Honda Accord took off and, in the officer’s words, “refused to stop.”
Tearin’ up Highway 70, Tyson raced from Dowelltown to Lebanon.
According to Bobby, the on-the-lam outlaw was “all over the road the whole time.”
In light of the maniacal motoring, Alexandria Police plotted an impediment — a strip of spikes was set.
Though one of Tyson’s tires got torn, he continued westbound into Wilson County.
Tennessee Highway Patrol laid a second set of spikes, taking another tire.
Just past Watertown, Wilson County Sheriff’s Department attempted a spiking but missed.
Still, the Accord was eventually running on rims and ruined.
The chase — also involving officers from Nashville, DeKalb County, Watertown, and Cookeville — had come to an end.
Authorities boxed in the out-of-control automobile just before I-40.
But the story had only begun.
What was discovered puzzled police.
It had been hinted at early on.
Trooper Bobby recalls:
“He turned off on Old Liberty Road and came to a stop. He opened his door. He was naked and covered in blood. He then shut his door and kept driving.”
Smithville’s 101.7 FM drops the bomb:
[T]yson…had severed his own penis and tossed it out the car window somewhere along the route either before or during the chase.
If he made the dissecting decision amid fleeing the fuzz, it’s unclear how he thought it might have helped.
Perhaps he felt the vehicle was sluggish, and he needed to cut weight.
Or maybe he was already crafting an insanity plea.
Either way, it was an extraordinary feat — especially if the Honda is a stick shift.
It surely wouldn’t be the first time unmentionables were employed in the commission of a crime:
Woman Arrested at Airport Was Carrying 100 Pellets of Cocaine – and Not in Her Pockets
— RedState (@RedState) April 14, 2021
Sometimes, even false accusations occur (See: Guy Gets Harassed and Accused of Shoplifting Over the Suspicious Lump in His Pants).
As noted by WJLE, the man’s mangling of himself may’ve been spurred by speaking speakers:
[Tyson] said he heard voices on his car radio telling him to commit the act in order to save the world.
The tragedy brings a couple thoughts to mind.
For starters, whatever your goal in life — be it acquittal or planetary salvation — nothing’s worth losing parts of yourself in the pursuit.
As the saying goes, don’t cut off your nose to spite your face.
Secondly, here’s to hoping Middle Tennessee isn’t known for its large carnivorous birds.
Tyson — who has active warrants in Cookeville — was rushed to Vanderbilt Medical Center.
With any luck, surgeons were standing by.
See more pieces from me:
Find all my RedState work here.
Thank you for reading! Please sound off in the Comments section below.