Cuisine Meets Control+Alt+Delete: To Save the Planet, Bill Gates Insists America Switch to '100% Synthetic Beef'

(AP Photo/Jose Luis Magana, File)

America’s a rich nation, and for all you well-off 80’s New Wave fans, I’ve got a brand-spankin’ synth revolution for ya.

It should be coming soon — so says Bill Gates.

Where food’s concerned, it seems the billionaire’s had an A-ha moment.

While speaking with MIT Technology Review, the Microsoft co-founder made it clear: People who live in prosperous parts of the world should transition to eating synthetic beef.

And why? Because it’d help slay climate change.

Cow fart-free air, here we come.

MITTR asked:

“Do you think plant-based and lab-grown meats could be the full solution to the protein problem globally, even in poor nations? Or do you think it’s going to be some fraction because of the things you’re talking about, the cultural love of a hamburger and the way livestock is so central to economies around the world?”

The way Bill sees it, only certain countries should keep beefing up:

“For Africa and other poor countries, we’ll have to use animal genetics to dramatically raise the amount of beef per emissions for them.”

It sounds as if our cows are a bit more polite:

“Weirdly, the US livestock, because they’re so productive, the emissions per pound of beef are dramatically less than emissions per pound in Africa. And as part of the [Bill and Melinda Gates] Foundation’s work, we’re taking the benefit of the African livestock, which means they can survive in heat, and crossing in the monstrous productivity both on the meat side and the milk side of the elite US beef lines.”

If Bill has his way, all you rich folks will be fanging a synth sandwich soon.

Like the above song says: it’s a new Take On Me(at).

“[I] don’t think the poorest 80 countries will be eating synthetic meat. I do think all rich countries should move to 100% synthetic beef.”

Call it an acquired taste:

“You can get used to the [flavor] difference, and the claim is they’re going to make it taste even better over time. Eventually, that green premium is modest enough that you can sort of change the [behavior of] people or use regulation to totally shift the demand. So for meat in the middle-income-and-above countries, I do think it’s possible.

And here’s something strange:

“But it’s one of those ones where, wow, you have to track it every year and see, and the politics [are challenging]. There are all these bills that say it’s got to be called, basically, lab garbage to be sold. They don’t want us to use the beef label.”

As noted by The Daily Wire, “Earlier in the interview, Bill Gates said that synthetic proteins will be required for beef because cows produce methane, a greenhouse gas.”

Put another way, it seems there’s flavor in them there farts:

“In terms of livestock, it’s very difficult. There are all the things where they feed them different food, like there’s this one compound that gives you a 20% reduction [in methane emissions]. But sadly, those bacteria [in their digestive system that produce methane] are a necessary part of breaking down the grass.”

It’s a head-scratcher:

“And so I don’t know if there’ll be some natural approach there. I’m afraid the synthetic [protein alternatives like plant-based burgers] will be required for at least the beef thing.”

If Bill Gates believes it can be done, maybe it can.

But will it?

Either way, you can’t say the guy’s not a revolutionary.

Back in December, in light of the ongoing pandemic, he told Jake Tapper it was “appropriate” for small businesses to stay shuttered maybe another six months.

Select critics asserted he may not understand how such a dam in the income stream of small businesses would disastrously affect low-to-middle-income Americans.

As you might have heard, Mr. Gates lives above the poverty line.

According to Velvet Ropes, his house is 2500 square feet.

Oh, sorry — that’s the gym.

The Bill Gates mansion includes 7 bedrooms and an insane 24 bathrooms, ten of which are full-size. It also includes a 60-foot swimming pool complete with an underwater music system, a 2,500-square-foot gym, a 1,000-square-foot dining room, six kitchens, and a trampoline room complete with a 20-foot ceiling. And that’s not all, folks. The home also includes a 2,100 square-foot library complete with two secret bookcases and a hidden bar. Of the various interesting purchases, the business magnate has made includes a 16th-century manuscript from Leonardo da Vinci himself which was purchased at an auction in 1994 for $30.8 million.

A few nay-sayers also suspect the construction, operation, and maintenance of such an abode, like cow farts, stinks:

Either way, it looks fantastic, Bill.

If you’ve ever got the time, I’d love to take ya out for a Big Mac.

Sorry — a faux-fart-flavored (s)hamburger.

-ALEX

 

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