Good Luck: Israel's Space Program Bigwig Says Aliens Have Landed, They're Only Waiting for Us to Be Sane

(Alpharetta Department of Public Safety via AP)


Here’s a surprise. Or, perhaps, not one at all.

There’s been a lot of talk of illegal aliens, but the Holy Land’s taking it up a notch.


As reported by the Jewish Press, otherworldly beings are presently conducting experiments here on Earth.

Even so, don’t worry about it making the news: The very foreign foreigners have reached an agreement with Washington.

They’ll keep everything hush until humankind is ready.

Haim Eshed explained to outlet Yedioth Aharonoth:

“The aliens have asked not to announce that they are here [because] humanity is not ready yet.”

Meanwhile, the extra-terrestrials are bicoastal — they’ve got a base on Mars.

But who’s Haim, right? Just some kook?

He’s only the former head of the country’s security space program.

Mr. Eshed served from 1981 to 2010, during which he received the Israel Security Award three times.

Two of those were for confidential technological inventions.

Here’s more from the man via Israel’s largest paid paper:

“The UFOs have asked not to publish that they are here, humanity is not ready yet.” 

Some of you have been desperately searching for intelligent life for years; we almost got a dose from The Donald:

“Trump was on the verge of revealing, but the aliens in the Galactic Federation are saying: Wait, let people calm down first. They don’t want to start mass hysteria. They want to first make us sane and understanding.”

Good luck, martians.

“They have been waiting for humanity to evolve and reach a stage where we will generally understand what space and spaceships are. There’s an agreement between the US government and the aliens. They signed a contract with us to do experiments here. They, too, are researching and trying to understand the whole fabric of the universe, and they want us as helpers. There’s an underground base in the depths of Mars, where their representatives are, and also our American astronauts.”


The way Haim sees it, a few years ago, the news would’ve seemed, well, like a load of crap.

But now it’s a palatable pile:

“If I had come up with what I’m saying today five years ago, I would have been hospitalized. Wherever I’ve gone with this in academia, they’ve said: the man has lost his mind. Today they’re already talking differently. I have nothing to lose. I’ve received my degrees and awards, I am respected in universities abroad, where the trend is also changing.”

I’ll give him this: If ever there were a year people would believe anything, it’s 2020.

And the guy’s bonafides are bodacious.


Eshed, 87, holds a bachelor’s degree in electronics engineering from the Technion, a master’s degree in performance research, and a doctorate in aeronautical engineering. In 1965, he served in the technological unit of the IDF Intelligence Division in research and development positions. In 1969, he was sent by the IDF Military Intelligence to study for a doctorate in aeronautical engineering in the United States. When he returned, he was appointed head of the research and development department in the Intelligence Corps. He retired with the rank of lieutenant colonel. Following his military service, he was employed as a professor at the Technion’s Space Research Institute, and in 1981 established and became the first director of the Challenge Program, a unit of the Administration for Research, Development of Weapons and Technological Infrastructure (Mapat) in the Defense Ministry, which is responsible for satellite projects. He retired from the Defense Ministry in October 2011, having commanded the launching of 20 Israeli satellites.


Personally, I hope Haim’s right.

But as for the aliens, I hate to disappoint ’em…

They want an evolved planet?

We’re nowhere near ready: 

On second thought, maybe we’re past ready. 

Way, way past.

Give us mercy, starlords.

In the meantime, courtesy of the Pentagon in April, here’s hope:



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