A Chinese Master Hails the Invigorating Effects of 'Iron Crotch Kung Fu'

Chris Pizzello

 

China’s a wondrous place — they’ve got pandas, Beijing, and a giant wall.

They have wet markets, where you can eat bats like The Three Amigos…

They have fighting, and you can learn kung fu.

And if you’re a guy, within that martial art of maximum machismo, you can take a bat…to your two amigos.

Welcome to the bold world of “Iron Crotch Kung Fu.”

As relayed by Reuters, the ballsy discipline “involves a steel-plate capped log, 2 metres (6.5 feet) in length and weighing 40 kilograms (88 pounds) that swings through the air and smashes into a man’s crotch.”

But surprise: As of late, the system’s suffered a punched to the popularity.

And to hear a master tell it, that’s a real shame.

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet a warrior named Wang.

65-year-old Wang Liutai runs the Juntun Martial Arts Academy, and he believes an oak (?) to the unmentionables — if you really take it to the limit — will open the Doors of Delight:

“When you practice iron crotch kung fu, as long as you push yourself, you will feel great.”

Here’s Reuters with more:

The iron crotch, mastery of which is gained by taking hits to the body’s weakest points while using qigong breathing techniques to inure oneself, is just one element of the branch of Tongbeiquan kung fu that has been practised in Wang’s village for the past 300 years. The style encompasses scores of attack techniques as well as resisting pressure, pain or hits to other sensitive areas.

Fifty-three-year-old iron crotch ace Tang Xiaocheng explains devotees can prove their metal with other manparts, too:

“We also have iron throat, iron head, iron chest, and iron back as well.”

The village’s unique kind of kung fu’s been considered a secret for years, but now there’s concern over wanging waning indulgence.

Reuters reports there were “once 200 people regularly practicing (the iron fighting style) in the village.”

Now, according to Tang, the group’s down to just over 20.

And as for the crotch crew specifically, around 80 has dwindled to only five.

But Wang is on the ball — he’s spreading the news:

[He] and his fellow masters started to actively promote their style of kung fu, adopting the swinging log device in 2016 to demonstrate the iron crotch technique where previously villagers had kicked, punched or used bricks or sticks.

And it seems to be working: The group’s gained several students in various cities who are learning via social media and videos posted on the web.

Wang hopes the whole world learns to love the log:

“If there are more students carry it forward and spread it to the whole country and the world, if they can carry this form of kung fu forward, then my dream will come true.”

For those of you concerned the unusual art could have less-than-optimal effects on fertility, Master Wang insists it isn’t true. In fact, he’s got two kids.

So here we go, male readers — are you ready to “feel great”?

Enjoy the instructional — and good luck to you all.

As for the women of RedState, you want a tough guy? Marvel at the making of a man:

-ALEX

 

See more pieces from me:

Tail of the Sea: Man Complains of Stomach Pain, Doctors Find a Large Fish in His Rectum

Party Like It’s 1799: Cops Bust Up an Amish Barn Bash for Violating Ohio’s Stay-at-Home Order

Man’s Penis Falls Off, Doctor Adds One to His Arm

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