Here’s a story for the books.
In 2015, Michael Johnson offered Brett Eversole a deal.
At the Hoosier Park Casino, he informed Brett he had some “white girl” to sell.
It wasn’t a reference to human trafficking; Brett took the expression to mean cocaine.
Therefore, he snitched to a security guard who contacted a supervisor.
As reported by The Daily Caller, that led to Gaming Enforcement Agent Zach Wilkinson interrogating Michael.
Next: a pat-down.
And eureka: What did he find other than — according to testimony — a “giant ball.”
The Caller notes, “Wilkinson removed the bag that contained white powder and put Johnson under arrest…”
Fast-forward to Michael being charged with a Level 5 felony.
That all sounds run-of-the-mill, but there was more cookin’ than met the eye.
In fact, the white substance was…baking powder.
You know — that thing that recently made your turkey tantalizing…
This things been dry brining since Monday. Time to cover it with some baking powder and a little extra salt and let it sit uncovered in the fridge to dry up that skin pic.twitter.com/VcpsEDH8mF
— Jesse McMahan (@JesseMixMan) November 25, 2020
And your mashed potatoes magnificent…
— BearNakedFood (@BearNakedFood) October 26, 2015
And the stuff your mom basted you in when you had chicken pox…
@mumofbutton baking powder in her bath, drys spots up super-fast, swear by it used on all 5 boys when they had chicken pox x
— Debbie pennell (@Pennelld99) October 23, 2011
And the court knew it: Michael’s fifth-level felony — under Indiana Code section 35-48-4-4.6 — was “dealing in a look-a-like-substance.”
The white baggie was admitted as evidence, and — as baking
powder soda and (suspected) coke are known to be — it was an explosive mixture.
Michael was convicted.
But for a moment, a beacon of hope: An Indiana Court of Appeals overturned his conviction, ruling that the baking soda was retrieved in violation of the 4th Amendment.
And that, my friends, brings us to this week.
On Monday, the Indiana Supreme Court flipped the lower court’s decision, determining there’d been reasonable suspicion he was involved in criminal activity and might be armed and dangerous.
Furthermore, Agent Zach felt a suspicious lump in Michael’s pants; hence, he was justified in pulling it out.
From the ruling:
“We affirm the admission of evidence because the search and seizure proceeded within the bounds of the Fourth Amendment. Agent Wilkinson’s suspicion that Johnson attempted to sell drugs – supported by Eversole’s statements and surveillance footage – helped justify the pat-down.”
So let that be a lesson to all of you: Don’t get caught with a suspicious lump in your pants, particularly a giant ball. And never try to sell baking powder as a white girl.
And honestly, in this tumultuous time, amid dystopian days…I’d heavily recommend never, ever being seen with these:
Hostess powdered donettes pic.twitter.com/QvGpaz7zLI
— Tristen Foisy (@TristenFoisy) August 24, 2019
And for goodness sake, don’t put ’em in your pants.
The drug war is real.
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