What's Cookin': Man is Convicted of a Felony - for Allegedly Trying to Sell Baking Powder

(AP Photo/Matt Rourke, File)

 

Here’s a story for the books.

In 2015, Michael Johnson offered Brett Eversole a deal.

At the Hoosier Park Casino, he informed Brett he had some “white girl” to sell.

It wasn’t a reference to human trafficking; Brett took the expression to mean cocaine.

Therefore, he snitched to a security guard who contacted a supervisor.

As reported by The Daily Caller, that led to Gaming Enforcement Agent Zach Wilkinson interrogating Michael.

Next: a pat-down.

And eureka: What did he find other than — according to testimony — a “giant ball.”

The Caller notes, “Wilkinson removed the bag that contained white powder and put Johnson under arrest…”

Fast-forward to Michael being charged with a Level 5 felony.

That all sounds run-of-the-mill, but there was more cookin’ than met the eye.

In fact, the white substance was…baking powder.

You know — that thing that recently made your turkey tantalizing…

And your mashed potatoes magnificent…

And the stuff your mom basted you in when you had chicken pox…

And the court knew it: Michael’s fifth-level felony — under Indiana Code section 35-48-4-4.6 — was “dealing in a look-a-like-substance.”

The white baggie was admitted as evidence, and — as baking powder soda and (suspected) coke are known to be — it was an explosive mixture.

Michael was convicted.

But for a moment, a beacon of hope: An Indiana Court of Appeals overturned his conviction, ruling that the baking soda was retrieved in violation of the 4th Amendment.

And that, my friends, brings us to this week.

On Monday, the Indiana Supreme Court flipped the lower court’s decision, determining there’d been reasonable suspicion he was involved in criminal activity and might be armed and dangerous.

Furthermore, Agent Zach felt a suspicious lump in Michael’s pants; hence, he was justified in pulling it out.

From the ruling:

“We affirm the admission of evidence because the search and seizure proceeded within the bounds of the Fourth Amendment. Agent Wilkinson’s suspicion that Johnson attempted to sell drugs – supported by Eversole’s statements and surveillance footage – helped justify the pat-down.”

So let that be a lesson to all of you: Don’t get caught with a suspicious lump in your pants, particularly a giant ball. And never try to sell baking powder as a white girl.

And honestly, in this tumultuous time, amid dystopian days…I’d heavily recommend never, ever being seen with these:

And for goodness sake, don’t put ’em in your pants.

The drug war is real.

Stay #FelonFree.

-ALEX

 

See more pieces from me:

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