Cruel, Cruel Summer: A California County Outlaws More Than One Swimmer Per Pool - No Matter How Large

(Szilard Koszticsak/MTI via AP)
AP featured image
Bela Torok, left, of Hungary is challenged by Luka Loncar of Croatia for the ball during the men’s water polo final match Hungary vs Croatia at the 17th FINA Swimming World Championships in Hajos Alfred National Swimming Pool in Budapest, Hungary, Saturday, July 29, 2017. (Szilard Koszticsak/MTI via AP)



Alright, guys and gals — summer’s coming, and surely some of you are looking forward to a romantic pool date.

Ohhhhh, yeah.

You know — you get in, then they get in. Then you get in. Then they get in.

At least, such will be the case for you frisky frolickers in Riverside, California. 

As reported by KESQ, the county’s officially instituted a one-person-per-pool policy for privately-owned public-use swimming pools — HOA’s, apartment complexes, motels, hotels, and country clubs.

So gentlemen, better work on those pecs and abs. And ladies, bikini bodies will be more exposed than ever — in between taking your turn at dips, you’ll just be standing there in the open, wet, waiting for your significant other to enjoy their lone submersion.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering: The policy applies, regardless of the size of the pool.

I’m assuming the thinking is that your germs get out with you?

Also, no parties at pools will be permitted.

But parents get a pass; well, parent:A parent or guardian” can remain with a minor to ensure his/her/zis/hirs/eirs/vers/ters/eirs safety.


Here’s more official info on the order:

All outdoor furniture in pool areas must be removed or stacked/chained in such a manner that furniture is rendered unusable. Drinking fountains and showers must remain closed and roped off from use.

High touch areas such as hand rails, restroom surfaces, light switches, dispensers, faucets, and door knobs must be sanitized frequently.

Pools shall continue to be maintained in accordance with all County laws and regulations to ensure proper chemicals and safety measures are present.

By the way, some of the above was listed in an article titled “Riverside County Eases – But Doesn’t End – Coronavirus Restrictions on Private Pools.”

I’m sure we’re all glad they loosened up.

The policy’s in effect ’til at least June 19th (technically one day before Summer Solstice, but 18 days after the beginning of the season meteorologically). I wouldn’t bet on it being suspended at that point.

This new normal isn’t normal at all.

And if I may, a warning for you all: Please wear a life jacket. I fear, once your Hazmat suit gets wet, it could make you sink.


Party on, summertime sweethearts.



See 3 more pieces from me:

Tough Being a Cop: A Law Enforcement Officer in Florida Takes Down a 7-Foot Gator

Party Like It’s 1799: Cops Bust Up an Amish Barn Bash for Violating Ohio’s Stay-at-Home Order

A Real Hatchet Job: New York News Anchor Hilariously Makes One of the Worst Mistakes Possible

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