Mass shootings have penetrated U.S. headlines for quite some time (here, here, here, here, here, and here). While the debate over gun control and pistol-packing teachers rages on (here), a completely different solution emerges.
So here we go:
To (semi?)quote Jeff Foxworthy, “Kids are taking guns to school today. When I was a kid, we took frogs to school. You take a frog to school today, somebody’d shoot it.”
Frogs may wanna stick to the security of a lily pad in a remote location; but as for kids forced to enter the soft targets of the public education system, an Israeli company’s got ’em covered.
If you’re a school-goin’ young man or woman — or something in the vicinity of either (or both) (or none) of those sexual distinctions — starting in February, ArmorMe will sell bags with straps to armor you from the locker to the classroom, the classroom to the cafeteria, and the cafeteria to the non-pronoun-conforming non-cis-gender woke trigger-free safe-space trans-friendly social-construct-defying nekkid locker room.
Israeli Defense Forces Colonel Dr. Gabi Siboni explained the options in a press release, as reported by The Washington Free Beacon:
“We designed this bag for every student and have given them one or two panels of Kevlar to provide safety. The packs are designed with safety in mind and for the most common attack scenarios.”
As indicated on the ArmorMe website, a single-Kevlar pack will sell for $174.99; double the protection will cost you $229.99.
The bags come in 5 colors, none of which are of the “Hey! Look at me!” variety.
A description touts the virtue of the bag/shield combo:
Cleverly hiding a wall of solid Kevlar and field-tested by Israeli security and military experts, the ArmorMe backpack offers the peace-of-mind you’ve been waiting for. Sure, it looks and feels like a regular eco-friendly canvas backpack – so your child will fit right in with his or her friends – but inside, it’s reinforced with a bullet-resistant material that can help protect your child in the case of a violent incident.
Designed for daily use, ArmorMe is an affordable, durable backpack that will easily carry books and school gear – you’ll be pulling crumpled assignments, overdue library books and smashed snacks out of it for years to come!
But if the unthinkable happens, it also can be used as a shield to stop a knife, bullets from a pistol, or from other light weapons. Even in the case of heavier ammunition, the ArmorMe backpack will significantly increase survival odds.
It’s great that it works against knife attacks, in case this woman farts.
Here’s a bit of “How to Use”:
Of course, to (semi)quote Lloyd Christmas, “What if he shoots you in the face?”
Nevertheless, at least the backpacks’ll deflect fire from handguns, as American adolescents attempt to participate in the three R’s of contemporary primary education: Reading, ‘Riting, and Run for Your Life.
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