WATCH: The Best of Black Friday Madness



Ohhhhh yeah — Black Friday.

Deep discounts.

Festive fervor.

And…the worst humanity has to offer?

As we lament the harsh incivility of contemporary politics, let us escape to a metaphorical soft pillow: society.


Here’s a roundup of the hoopla happenin’ yesterday as millions of Americans (and others elsewhere) got in their cars and jetted into town to all run into each other and kidney-punch their way through a furious dash to act completely insane. Or at least save 15% on the crappiest TV in the store.


First up: Come on in, everybody. But try not to break the store:

Ahhh…just feel the Zen!

And to think I missed out on all that relaxation by staying home and eating chocolate-covered almonds.

At least everyone on the town was filled with holiday spirit:

It’s tough goin’ these days, and when you come across a deal, you gotta take it. By any means necessary. When it’s sink-or-swim, you always swim:

And when resources are limited, it’s survival of the fittest. “Honey, I’m going to Walmart. To steal from children”:


If Walmart’s a bit too intense for you, there’s always the store next-door. But look out — they didn’t build it to accompany 800 people walking in simultaneously. To invoke Back to the Future, “Doors? Where we’re going, we don’t need doors”:

Maybe don’t try to take a shopping cart into the garage of madness:

Remember my line about the crappiest TV?

I didn’t think grocery stores had Black Friday sales. Was this the night before Y2K?

Let’s get in there. But don’t die — we’ll have to carry you. And definitely don’t fall down — we’ll have to drag you out of the way.


Was this from a WWE cage match?

In America, either go big or go home.

Here’s how wimpy people do Black Friday:


A tip of the hat to the particularly frenzied small town of Hoover, Alabama: On Friday, two men got into a fight in front of Foot Action at the Riverchase Galleria. A 21-year-old man shot an 18-year-old. Collaterally, a 12-year-old was struck by a bullet in the back. Both are still in the hospital. Cops caught up with the shooter, who was brandishing his weapon, and killed him.

Police are now saying the man they shot may have been involved in the skirmish but was not necessarily the murderer.

Hoover takes its Black Fridays seriously: Thanksgiving night 2017, the town made national news when a fight at the Galleria brought law enforcement, firefighters, and a complete closing of the mall.

Several Black Fridays ago — also at the Galleria — one woman shot another over a parking space.


People in Alabama know four things: guns, barbeque, college football, and Black Friday madness.

If you missed yesterday’s lunacy, maybe check Cyber Monday for great deals on hockey padding and kevlar. No better time to prepare for next year’s post-Turkey insanity — maybe we’ll take a RedState field trip to Hoover.


See 3 more pieces from me: Gillum concedes, the regression of progress, and migrants climbing the fence.

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