This week, we have some fun stuff, including a cliched woman’s issue, some Trump merchandise advice, and some bad news on Alaska’s famous Glacier View Car Launch. It’s bad enough that the country faces so many trials and tribulations of late; we have rising interest rates, inflation, and a president who is non compos mentis. Should we have to deal with the possible end of our Fourth of July tradition of launching cars off a cliff as well?

Read on!

Not solely an Alaska thing – just a woman who couldn’t find her keys.

On 7/207/24 [sic] at approximately 0043 hours the Alaska State Troopers responded to a disturbance in Palmer. Troopers spoke to a female subject who was upset about her vehicle not working and she could not find her keys. Both parties agreed to separate, and no crimes were committed.

This is the way these things should be resolved. But there is this cringe-inducing stereotype here of a woman who can't find her car keys, and that's unfortunate.

Some people hate clichés, though. So…

Alaska Man score: 2.25 of 5 moose nuggets. Points for resolving this peacefully; demerits for being a walking cliché.

Alaskans for Trump swag? You bet!

Alaskans looking to make a political and fashion statement can find “Alaskan for Trump” T-shirts, sweatshirts, stickers and other swag at the Alaska Republican Party’s online store at this link. 

If Alaskans want Trump yard signs, they can get them and other types of shirts, hats, mugs, and swag at DonaldJTrump.com, which is a contribution to the Trump/Vance campaign, and on Amazon.com for as little as $9.99, but is not associated with the campaign.

MatSu Republican Women will also have swag at their booth at the Alaska State Fair, which starts Aug. 16.

Alaska isn’t a monolith; Anchorage is pretty blue, as is Juneau. But up here in the Valley, you see a lot of Trump flags and MAGA caps, so the Trump campaign should do a pretty brisk business in our part of the state.

Alaska Man score: 4.5 of 5 moose nuggets. Great job with the swag, but we need more up here in the hinterlands up north of Wasilla.

See Related: Trump to Continue Outdoor Rallies With Increased Secret Service Protection After Assassination Attempt

Team Harris Caught in Major Lie About Trump, JD Vance, and Project 2025

Finally: Remember our Glacier View Car Launch coverage? Well, the Matanuska River is threatening that great Alaska tradition.

Erosion from the Matanuska River in Glacier View is eating away at the edge of the shoreline, threatening to bring the town’s annual 4th of July car launch to a crashing halt.

Within the past 15 years, the car launch’s organizer Arnie Hrncir, says acres of land has vanished due to erosion.

“It’s just gone,” Hrncir said. “Erosion never stops. The river never stops.”

Since this year’s car launch, Hrncir has already seen yards of land eaten away by the river, resulting in less room for people to stand. This year, Hrncir said, could have been the last year the car launch took place.

This would be sad, indeed. Every locale has its great traditions, of course, and the Glacier View Car Launch is a Fourth of July institution hereabouts. This year’s event had more than 10,000 people in attendance, not only from Alaska but from elsewhere in the U.S. and even overseas. But time, the tide, and the Matanuska River await no man, and huge glacial rivers are hard to check when they set themselves on eroding a stretch of riverbank. We’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

Alaska Man score: 5 moose nuggets for Mr. Hrncir and Glacier View for putting this great show on for us all these years; 0 to the Matanuska River for spoiling our fun.

Finally: Fireweed!