In 1867, the United States purchased the vast territory of Russian Alaska for what amounted to about two cents per acre. This was, of course, before the discovery of gold, oil, natural gas, and so on in the Great Land. Secretary of State William Seward, who advocated for the purchase and for whom a town in Alaska is named, lent the new purchase the nicknames "Seward's Folly" or "Seward's Icebox," but then a little thing called the Klondike Gold Rush happened. Since then, Alaska's available resources have only become more valuable.

Now, a revanchist Russia under dictator Vladimir Putin is making noise about wanting some former Russian territory back, and apparently, Alaska is on the list.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has signed a new decree relating to Moscow's historic real estate holdings abroad, a move interpreted by ultranationalist bloggers as a foundation for future revanchism against Russia's neighbors—and even the U.S. 

The decree, signed by the president late last week, allocates funds for the search, registration, and legal protection of Russian property abroad, including property in the former territories of the Russian Empire and the Soviet Union. 

This would include Alaska, swathes of eastern and central Europe, large chunks of central Asia, and parts of Scandinavia. 

Russia's Foreign Ministry and its presidential administration's Foreign Property Management Enterprise are directed to carry out the work, ordered to find, register, and protect "property" in question.

While it's easy to scoff at these kinds of gaseous pronouncements from the Russian dictator, it's important to point out that Russia is already in the process of trying to take back what King Vlad thinks of as Russian territory. And it's not proving easy for them. But Alaska? That's a different story.

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This isn't the first time Russia has made noises about Alaska, and I'm pretty sure it won't be the last. Back in 2022, when that horse’s hiney, Kremlin mouthpiece Oleg Matveychev, yapped about taking back Alaska, Alaska's Governor Dunleavy had something to say about it:

Good luck with that! Not if we have something to say about it. We have hundreds of thousands of armed Alaskans and military members that will see it differently. https://t.co/ji0Hiza1TE

— Governor Mike Dunleavy (@GovDunleavy) March 15, 2022

Russia's having a hard time dealing with Ukraine. It's unlikely in the extreme that they would take on a NATO nation and therefore the whole alliance, and the logistical and tactical difficulties of jumping the Bering Strait to take on Alaska is even less likely. Bear in mind that the operation would probably take place in winter, as Russian attacks tend to be armor-heavy, and much of Alaska isn't good tank terrain in summer. In winter, crossing marshes and muskeg frozen hard as iron is much easier. But while the Russians have traditionally fared well in winter, in this case, they'd be dealing with Alaskans, and we're used to the winters here as well.

Add to that the fact that the Russian military hasn't exactly been firing on all cylinders lately.

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The thing is this: The U.S. didn’t conquer Alaska, taking it by force; we purchased it from a Russian government that was chronically short of cash. It was a transaction mutually agreed on by both parties, one of whom was the duly constituted Russian government of the time. So Putin can get stuffed. We're keeping Alaska. Putin is, in this pronouncement, just making noise.