Watching the World Cup Is Awesome...for Curing Insomnia

AP Photo/Hassan Ammar
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Before I begin, I need to ask for your indulgence as I write about the non-political global event called the World Cup. I just awoke from a nap after watching two countries no one has heard of without using Google kick a ball around for a while to a zero-zero tie and I’m still a bit euphoric groggy.


The excitement almost killed me.

From boredom.

As most of you know by now, mostly because you’ve been forced to endure the over-zealous coverage of the World Cup, there are important soccer matches occurring somewhere. Of course, this is happening in a part of the world most Americans have never heard of but that won’t deter our media minders from promoting it.

The staff here at RedState has also been covering this and you can check out some of the articles listed below…

Iranian Reporters Try and Fail to Race Bait U.S. Soccer Coach and Captain Before Pivotal Game.

U.S. Men’s Soccer Team Debuts Ridiculously Woke New Logo for World Cup.

World Cup Teams Continue Ongoing Temper Tantrum Over Banned ‘One Love’ Symbolism.

If truth be told, I actually was totally oblivious to it because I’m still trying to figure out how the Republicans’ Red Wave became a Pink Piddle of a Puddle. Yet I happened to come across a commentary piece on Larry O’Connor’s new Salem media show “O’Connor Tonight,” and he was talking about soccer which alerted me to this snoozefest.

His segment on the World Cup was called “It’s not the WORLD CUP, it’s the WOKE CUP!’ Nobody really likes soccer.. and here’s why!” and you can watch it right HERE.


As usual, Larry was spot on and I didn’t even take offense at the Detroit Lions crack he made because it is true. Also, I know Larry is from Detroit which means he knows we have not had a professional football team here since 1957 or the end of the Barry Sanders era.

Now, let me make it clear I know that soccer is a sport. Anytime you have men or women running up and down a massive field aimlessly trying to kick a hacky sack on steroids into an oversized goal, that counts as a sport. So that is not the main issue of my boredom with it.

The main issue is that it’s just plain dull.

Ever since the World Cup was held here in the United States back in the 90s, I have had people constantly tell me about how exciting the sport is and that I just don’t understand it. I have always countered that I understand the sport just fine but I’m not buying into the hype that watching 22 people for some odd amount of time jogging up and down a massive field is exciting.

The goal, of course, is to score as many goals as possible. The strategy is to set up somebody at an angle opposite from where the goalie is to put the ball in said goal using their foot, chest, or their head. This happened so often that scores of 0-0, 1-0, 2-1, and 3-0 are the norm. These ultra-exciting scores occur during an official clock time frame that magically can be altered by some mystical formula that only people who attend a Bilderberg world conference truly understand.


Now, the sport is not totally a wishy-washy event inspired by tepid Europeans — there is some excitement.

There have been a number of occasions after I’ve fallen soundly asleep and I did not put my sleep timer on to turn my TV off, that I was awoken by somebody screaming “GOAL!” (and holding the last letter  LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL for 45 seconds or longer). Also, some of the most fabulous LeBron James-inspired flops that I’ve ever seen, have occurred on a field that is so massive that all 22 people on the field at once could be at least one-eighth of a mile away from each other comfortably.

So let’s get to the real crux of the excitement in a soccer game and it almost never happens on the field. Nearly all the occurrences of heart-pounding action at one of these games are in the stands with the fans.

Soccer fans all over the world are a perfect representation of the super far left and the super far right in this country. They are bat**** crazy and most likely are boozed up to the point that they are four times over the legal blood alcohol limit. This is not going to stop them though from pushing all their bodies forward and crushing people at the railings near the field over a 0-0 game.

If they just took my suggestion and had a fan cam pointed to the stands, I would be a huge fan of the sport. Of course, not because of the game on the field but the reaction of the fans who are discovering that their country actually has running toilets and water and are ticked off that they do not have anything like this in their village. (This has to be why the riots started because how does a 1-0 game that took three hours to play actually get you that ticked off?)


So, while I salute people being passionate about anything, those who are passionate about a sport that is almost as exciting as watching paint dry remind me of the type of folks who listen to Taylor Swift songs and pretend she’s singing about them. The Swifties and the Soccer folks seem to have a lot in common — the love of boring and dull things.

And while I know that soccer is one of the most watched events in the world, that doesn’t phase me. Kim Kardashian and those keeping up with the other Kardashians were constantly one of the most watched shows in America. Should I automatically fall in love with that nonsense?

Countries and civilizations go through fads. Believe it or not, at one time in this country, disco music was popular and people actually bought pet rocks as Christmas gifts. Thankfully, I lived through both of those phases and came out unscathed.

So, while I hope the United States does well while jogging up and down the field at the World Cup being Woke and pretending they’re deploying “strategy” on the field, I know what I will be doing.

Watching two teams who represent countries we have never heard of and waiting for that blissful sleep to visit me.

Truly that is what soccer does best, put the world to sleep.

If you have any questions comments or concerns about this you can scroll down and check out my bio or right HERE to email me your thoughts. You can also find the info for my radio show on WAAM 1600 A.M & 92.7 F.M. in Ann Arbor and my Facebook live and contact me there. I encourage all good or bad comments and might read them on the air.



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