I nearly had to have a cigarette after writing that headline.

The backstory is this. Yesterday, NBC ran a surreal story concerning Secretary of State Rex Tillerson. This is the snapshot via Axios:

Secretary of State Rex Tillerson almost resigned over the summer around the time of President Trump’s controversial speech at the Boy Scouts’ Jamboree, according to an NBC News report. Tillerson also reportedly called Trump a “f***ing moron” following a national security meeting at the Pentagon in July, as NBC News’ Stephanie Ruhle told Hugh Hewitt. Tillerson’s spokesman at the State Department flatly denied the report.

The story also says that Vice President Mike Pence prevailed upon Tillerson to not resign. The story is unsourced and the likelihood of it appearing believable will be in direct relationship to how much you detest Trump.

This morning Tillerson called a press conference to deny the story.

I don’t have a transcript, so here are the highlight via Twitter with lots of snark included:

Well, told Tillerson is not resigning, so that's something.

— Eliana Johnson (@elianayjohnson) October 4, 2017

Tillerson meant to start at 10:30 but had to go home to get his shinebox first

— Ben Jacobs (@Bencjacobs) October 4, 2017

https://twitter.com/SethAMandel/status/915590586115219458

The best part about this hostage tape Tillerson was forced to put out is knowing Trump will probably fire him anyway

— kilgore trout, potato thief (@KT_So_It_Goes) October 4, 2017

BREAKING NEWS: Tillerson says he's never considered leaving State Dept, Pence never convinced him to stay

— Christian Datoc (@TocRadio) October 4, 2017

Tillerson on @POTUS: "He's smart. He demands results wherever he goes." pic.twitter.com/kN1Fp9ZH36

— Fox News (@FoxNews) October 4, 2017

"What we have accomplished, we have done as a team," Tillerson says of administration https://t.co/IzVzkXYcmT pic.twitter.com/T3o5BF9b5O

— CBS News (@CBSNews) October 4, 2017

Tillerson delivering remarkable display of loyalty to Trump: "He's smart" and demands results.

— Rick Klein (@rickklein) October 4, 2017

Tillerson just said something he's learned about Trump that he didn't know before is "he loves this country."

— Olivia Nuzzi (@Olivianuzzi) October 4, 2017

https://twitter.com/JackPosobiec/status/915593398869987328

https://twitter.com/BenjySarlin/status/915593557234343938

Sec. of State Rex Tillerson: "I have never considered leaving this post." pic.twitter.com/hyNe9RWjAI

— ABC News (@ABC) October 4, 2017

Tillerson: "Let me tell you what I've learned about @POTUS… He loves this country. He puts America and Americans first." pic.twitter.com/iz1hvzLSCv

— Fox News (@FoxNews) October 4, 2017

TILLERSON basically called a news conference to praise Trump for an audience of Trump.

— Josh Dawsey (@jdawsey1) October 4, 2017

I have to believe that Tillerson did this because he really wants to keep being Secretary of State, the man is too wealthy to need the job.