Welcome To The New Cultural Battleground: The Chicken Wars

Photo by Gina Pina via Flickr (https://www.flickr.com/photos/ginapina/3528146487/).

Americans have a reputation for being cowboys willing to pull their guns and battle it out over pretty much anything, Wild Wild West-style.


Even our fast food chicken.

And if the “peaceful” progressive left tries to convince you they have no love for war, just remind them of the Chicken War of 2019 wherein they finally found a hero to vanquish that pesky Jesus chicken that Chick-Fil-A had made so popular (and made them feel so incredibly guilty for eating and loving).

Riding into town and kicking the saloon door open like some morally conflicted anti-hero in a Spaghetti western comes the new Popeye’s chicken sandwich. A gloriously heavy, but perfectly crafted, fried chicken wonder that makes no bones about trying to steal the Jesus chicken’s thunder, right down to the two little pickles on the bun.

A war has begun online, and people are taking sides.

Think pieces have been written about the chicken kings themselves and their own willingness to take up arms, while other chicken operators were noticed hiding in the woods, guerilla style.


As the war rages on, the Chicken Federalist Papers are being written.

Giving us these hallowed words:

Fried chicken is one of the world’s great culinary syntheses, found in cultures and kitchens on every patch of the planet: bird, flour, fat. American fried chicken, whose recipe was cultivated by enslaved Africans in the South, is, at its best, a food of transcendent deliciousness, an object of near holiness. There is almost certainly better fried chicken in the world than the version found at Popeyes, but only marginally so—and, in most of the forty-nine states where Popeyes locations can be found, it’s unlikely that whatever’s better is more convenient or reliable. If you were going to try to pass off another restaurant’s fried chicken as your own, and you had a Popeyes nearby—well, you could do a whole lot worse.

Does Chick-Fil-A stand a chance against this kind of poetry, even if it has impeccable service and heavenly waffle fries?


It’s anyone’s guess. But one thing’s for certain: lines have been drawn and Popeyes has reportedly been having trouble meeting the demands of its new-found fame atop the chicken coop. There are stories of people being turned away as chicken supplies have run low, and pickles being left off sandwiches because Popeyes may have been woefully unprepared for battle.

Because, as in any ideological war, people are the casualties.

But take heart, there is good news. Chick-Fil-A, in trying to retain their title to best chicken sandwich in the land, may have to begin opening on Sundays (it’s just a thought).

Sometimes war, for all its destruction, can bring about true healing. Particularly for those suffering a Sunday morning hangover.


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