Up until a few years ago, I was someone who, in most instances, needed to have noise going on around me because silence made me feel alone and sometimes scared. Plus, I had a tendency to overthink things, and hearing the sounds of people's voices or TVs/radios helped keep my mind occupied.
Even when I moved out on my own all those many moons ago, I would almost always have something playing in the background at the house, whether the television was planted on the Weather Channel or HGTV, the radio was blaring, or a CD was playing some cool tunes.
And if not that, my mind had to be occupied with reading books or magazines, cross-stitching, or immersing myself in a tried and true pastime: coloring books (all of which I still love doing).
SEE ALSO (VIP): How to Relax When You Can't
I can't pinpoint exactly when the change happened, but I do remember that about a month into the pandemic, I was having to turn everything off from time to time - the TV, YouTube, the Internet, radio because the flood of information and news of the growing number of people coming down with and some cases dying from COVID was sinking me into anxiousness and mini-bouts of depression.
Considering my career choice, blocking out the news at the time was not always something I could do. But I did it when I could, and it was somewhere around that timeframe, I think, that I learned an appreciation for the quiet.
When I write, I need quiet - it helps me focus better. Oddly, sometimes when a cable or streaming service is on, I'll actually put it on mute when I need to clear my head, decompress, or just don't want to hear talking but want something running in the background.
Even in the car, when I'm going for a drive to get some fresh air, sometimes I'll leave the radio turned off in part because having it on distracts me from my deep thoughts.
It's not that I don't like sound; I love having conversations with family, friends, colleagues, and neighbors. And I'm a big fan of music of many kinds, even sharing some of my favorites on social media sometimes.
Listening to Heavenly... (Good Feeling) by @Seal on @PandoraMusichttps://t.co/VnxAjJkf3d pic.twitter.com/8Li4Wa86RW
— Sister Toldjah 💙 (@sistertoldjah) January 11, 2020
But peace and quiet also does a great job of soothing the soul and recharging the batteries.
Since I've become her caregiver, my mom and I have had to find a middle ground on having the TV or cellphone turned up loud. She doesn't hear as well as she used to, so she has to have it louder than the average person. I think we've found a sound setting that works for her during the day while I'm in the office doing my thing, so that has mostly been sorted out (we'll soon be getting an interior French door for my office, too, which will also help).
In the mornings, Mom is very conversational. Always has been. I never have been, and that's been even more true since I've become a 'quiet' aficionado. She'll start chatting with me, and like half the time, I'll tell her I'm still waking up and am still trying to get into the groove for the day.
Usually, spending about five or ten minutes silently watching the birds get their morning breakfast at the feeders will do the trick.
As I say this now, if the natural order of things happens in our home, there is going to come a day when I hate the quiet with every fiber of my being. But for now, a weather forecast of mostly quiet with a chance of sounds works best for me.
