Why Donald Trump Is Seemingly Bulletproof


So let’s say a big passel of trouble comes a-rolling in your direction. It flattens the barn, trashes the crops, eats your loyal pet dog the way a fat SEC football fan would down a tray of nachos. It seems there’s just no stopping it and the hits keep a-coming. So how do you maneuver yourself off the hook? You probably can’t. You get some bad-*$$#d dude who can pull you off the hook.


It’s at this point that you dial 1-800-BAD-BACK. You dial the meanest, nastiest attorney you’ve ever heard of. You want the guy who enjoys swimming up Piranha Creek with a knife between his teeth. You don’t care if this guy is ideologically pure. You don’t even care if he likes or respects you all that much. That’s a luxury for people who currently haven’t been tied up and screwed. You point out who you feel the villains are and set him lose to rip off faces with no particular bag limit.

This is what a certain segment of America has done. They’ve hired The Donald because there wasn’t any Yellow Pages ad for The Cleaner and they believe the current opposition to The Progressive Movement and its attendant vile septic tank of a national culture is a mess. When The Donald tells someone they’re fired; these supporters have a nice, long list of who should be next.

You point out that The Donald has a yen for a Single-Payer Healthcare system, and they’ll tell you you’re going to need a single payer when he gets done with your face. This is not a thinking man’s argument and the immediate and unfortunate assumption will be that anyone who disagrees is talking down. Point out The Donald was once a registered Democrat and they’ll remind you about how Reagan was too. Tell them that Mr. Trump’s opinion of Mexico reeks of bigotry and they’ll ask you how that differs significantly from Barack Obama’s opinion of Middle-Class White People. So if you aren’t rooting for The Donald, how exactly does one stop him?


It will require a form of chainsaw surgery that would make Ben Carson turn green. Boehner must be either fired or at a minimum made to run around in the backfield like Fran Tarkington behind a makeshift Offensive Line. The government will have to be shut down over the coming budget bill. The electorate voted for a GOP that could tell Barack Obama “No. You can’t.” Our last post-shutdown election was +8 in The Senate. People who don’t even think of reading Salon or The Atlantic *Hate* where America is headed with an abiding, pissed-off passion.

I don’t think people are quite willing to vote for a crazy guy with a bad goatee and only one nut, but a bad comb over that could house a family of woodchucks won’t raise too many hackles. The Man on a White Horse only gets to hold his parade when the people in charge so a royally messed up job of running things. People have reached the conclusion long ago that America was on the wrong track. People came to understand the elite two-party cartel of Washington Ripe-Sucks couldn’t truly care less if one of us fell over and died in the muddy ditch.

So Donald Trump’s followers are not part of anyone’s Hale-Bopp Cult. They believe anyone who still considers the GOP an opposition party to America’s Neo-Progressive Movement to be the truly delusional. They have no delusions that Donald Trump is an adequate man. They just believe he’s adequately teed-off enough to go into Washington DC and drain the entire high-crime swamp. They want the place burned down. They want careers ended. They want the gravy-train tossed into The Atlantic. They want to hear that trademark slogan of The Donald. The magic words “You’re Fired!”



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