Special Snowflakes At Columbia University Melt From Classical Mythology

What Happens Before You Get A Trigger Warning In The Real World
What Happens Before You Get A Trigger Warning In The Real World

Columbia University prides itself on being an elite bastion of enlightened discourse and cutting edge intellectual innovation. It also admits some of the most pathetic, special snowflake, professionally offended whiners to ever struggle under the crushing weight of a backpack full of textbooks. Yes, the following things actually get said and taken seriously at the Post-modern American University.


During the week spent on Ovid’s “Metamorphoses,” the class was instructed to read the myths of Persephone and Daphne, both of which include vivid depictions of rape and sexual assault. As a survivor of sexual assault, the student described being triggered while reading such detailed accounts of rape throughout the work. However, the student said her professor focused on the beauty of the language and the splendor of the imagery when lecturing on the text. As a result, the student completely disengaged from the class discussion as a means of self-preservation. She did not feel safe in the class. When she approached her professor after class, the student said she was essentially dismissed, and her concerns were ignored.

So the professor failed to acknowledge the deep and significant specialness of !HER! Why bless her heart! You see, Ovid is one of those classical texts that is “wrought with histories and narratives of exclusion and oppression.” Of course it’s difficult, Dearheart. That’s why she’ll get 3 credits towards graduation.

Does she know what else “can be difficult to read and discuss as a survivor, a person of color, or a student from a low-income background?” The real world just 10 minutes outside the pearly gates of her idyllic bastion of learning. It will be brutal to her and her dreams. It will make what the swan did to Leta look like YouTube doggy-porn.


Do the evils of White Privilege, contained in Tom’s Invisible Knapp-sack of Social Injustice trigger her? Are these emotional perturbations challenging to her inner equilibrium? Does having someone pee in her Cheerios remind her of the Euro-phallocentric oppression that keeps us all down? Could it be that she is not and will never be ready for this:

This woman truly is a victim of the system. It is keeping her down. It just doesn’t work in the way she believes it to. She’s being kept inside a bubble. Not just a bubble, but the moral equivalent of a veal-fattening pen. She will never have a prayer if she gets made to work for Simon LeGree.* She is the living avatar of the American Worker who just doesn’t get it. She’s a walking justification for 50,000 more H1B Visas to replace her and all of her defective, whinging ilk. How did she get this way? Ideology. Kirsten Powers explains below.

On today’s campuses, left-leaning administrators, professors, and students are working overtime in their campaign of silencing dissent, and their unofficial tactics of ostracizing, smearing, and humiliation are highly effective. But what is even more chilling—and more far reaching—is the official power they abuse to ensure the silencing of views they don’t like. They’ve invented a labyrinth of anti-free speech tools that include “speech codes,” “free speech zones,” censorship, investigations by campus “diversity and tolerance offices,” and denial of due process. They craft “anti-harassment policies” and “anti-violence policies” that are speech codes in disguise.


Turning young men and women into Bubble People does not protect them. It enfeebles and enslaves them. They are, perhaps literally, being fattened up and conditioned for a walk through the cone into the abattoir. Free expression builds tougher and more durable people. You survive being offended. It makes you tougher and more self-assured in your inner truths. In other words** man the (expletive) up!

*-Oops, slow on the trigger-warning. Me so sowwy…
**-OK, remembered the trigger warning this time out!


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