So What If We All Carried Ourselves More Like Ted Kennedy?

People Who Carry Themselves Like Senator Edward kennedy
People Who Carry Themselves Like Senator Edward kennedy

Allahpundit over at Hot Air noticed that our President is perhaps in a mood to play the comedic straight-man and improve our nation’s mood. Yesterday he presided over the dedication of the Edward M. Kennedy Institute for the US Senate.* He asked a magical question. “What if we all carried ourselves more like Ted Kennedy?”

Let’s see. We’d probably all deal with foreign nations that hate America in much the same way Barack Obama is currently dealing with Iran. Here is how Edward Kennedy offered to sell out US Foreign Policy in return for Soviet help in the 1984 Elections.

Kennedy made Andropov a couple of specific offers. First he offered to visit Moscow. “The main purpose of the meeting, according to the senator, would be to arm Soviet officials with explanations regarding problems of nuclear disarmament so they may be better prepared and more convincing during appearances in the USA.” Kennedy would help the Soviets deal with Reagan by telling them how to brush up their propaganda. Then he offered to make it possible for Andropov to sit down for a few interviews on American television. “A direct appeal … to the American people will, without a doubt, attract a great deal of attention and interest in the country. … If the proposal is recognized as worthy, then Kennedy and his friends will bring about suitable steps to have representatives of the largest television companies in the USA contact Y.V. Andropov for an invitation to Moscow for the interviews. … The senator underlined the importance that this initiative should be seen as coming from the American side.”

If we were to handle the War on Women™ with the same aplomb as Senator Irish Swill did, we would no doubt be Chateau Heartiste Nation. Here’s how respectful of gender differences Senator Chappaquiddick Daredevil was with Carrie Fisher during a dinner party in 1985.

“Suddenly, Senator Kennedy, seated directly across from me, looked at me with his alert, aristocratic eyes and asked me a most surprising question. ‘So,’ he said, clearly amused, ‘do you think you’ll be having sex with Chris at the end of your date?’ … To my left, Chris Dodd looked at me with an unusual grin hanging on his very flushed face.” Her reply: “‘Funnily enough, I won’t be having sex with Chris tonight,’ I said, my face composed and calm. ‘No, that probably won’t happen.’ People blinked. ‘Thanks for asking, though.'” His retort: “‘Would you have sex with Chris in a hot tub?’ Senator Kennedy asked me, perhaps as a way to say good night? ‘I’m no good in water,’ I told him.” (A representative for Dodd did not immediately respond to ABCNews.com’s request for comment.)

If we had the respect for differing opinions and ideologies that Senator Kennedy had for Robert Bork, well our Twitter Accounts would all probably look something like this. The true spirit of the Kennedy Family is embodied in the 140 characters of sterling dialogue we see below.

Michelle J [email protected] @tedcruz @mike_pence may you hang by the ropes the dead gay children used to kill themselves because they are gay !! 8:09 PM – 30 Mar 2015

This, perhaps, wasn’t quite the same eloquence Senator Kennedy used to oppose the confirmation of Robert Bork to the Supreme Court. Give her a few more years and about 50,000 vodka screwdrivers.

We don’t even need to mention how he acquired the sobriquet Senator Swimmer. If we all carried ourselves the same Ted Kennedy did, we would all be totally selfish, totally debased, and totally entitled to whatever we felt was our just due from other people. Maybe the vast majority of America’s current problems comes from being a nation of people that carry themselves a bit too much like Senator Edward Kennedy. So no President Obama, the citizens of a civilized nation should hang their heads in shame if anybody in their immediate family were to carry themselves like Edward Kennedy. Even if they could manage it without the assistance of a wheelbarrow.

*-Perhaps the only rehab clinic with a liquor license in America.