Rand Paul vs. Elizabeth Warren – Real Reform Will Come From The Right

I know some of you guys were concerned. Had RMJ logged enough flight hours to maintain his Internet Whack-Job License*? It’s an important question, and I’ll be forced to rise to the occasion accordingly. I’m here to tell all five or six of my constant readers about revolution. And how you can’t have one without evolution and love spelled backwards, and some whacky guy named Paul!


No, not that looney-bird named Paul. The younger generation. His son. The one some corporatist agents of evil like to ridicule as a chip off the same old Lithium block. Yep, he’s at it again. You see Rand Paul wants to audit the Fed. He doesn’t just want to; he’s written legislation to make it happen. Chicken Little is telling, Loosey Goosey and Turkey Lurkey that this would mean !DOOOOOOM!

Forbes has conjectured that “The club of U.S. central bankers appears jittery, but it’s not because of interest rates, unemployment, or mortgage-backed securities. It’s because of Congress.” What’s going on here?

Well the House version of the audit the Fed bill passed overwhelmingly. Oh, and the Senate has changed hands so [mc_name name=’Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV)’ chamber=’senate’ mcid=’R000146′ ] won’t be between the pipes to play Reform Goalie for the status quo. People may be afraid that [mc_name name=’Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY)’ chamber=’senate’ mcid=’M000355′ ] could use this sort of thing as a threat/bargaining chip to make President Obama recognize the existence of the other two branches of government. Accidents then could happen. Barack Obama could call Mitch McConnell’s bluff by signing the sucker and kicking back to watch the ensuing clown-car wreck with a cigar in one hand and a bottle of cognac in the other.


This state of affairs should make Occupy Wall Street and all of the imitation rape and poor hygiene camps that infested other cities as well hold a nationwide Polka Dance and declare victory. So the good folks over at Rare.com decided to check in on Rand Paul’s complimentary and balancing Aqua Buddha Worshipper on the Left just to see how the hookah was hanging. We now bring you the laughable tale of Liz “Lieawatha” Warren; the Senator from Occupy. She who was sent to scalp the cronies in the proud tradition of that 1/32 of her ancestry that actually got her hired to do anything that was important.

I’ll have to admit I wasn’t overwhelmed. Scanning the horizon from here, the smoke signals keep coming back negative. She favors an audit the Fed bill in principle**. Unless, you know, Congress could actually do something about the Fed. Oversight implies responsibility and anyone who ever got sent to the Principal’s Office in Middle School knows well that you don’t want to be responsible for Jack if you can help it. You can read her statement below, but I caution you to strap on your political hip-waders first. It could yea verily fertilize the corn. Thus spoke Lieawatha.

“I strongly support and continue to press for greater congressional oversight of the Fed’s regulatory and supervisory responsibilities, and I believe the Fed’s balance sheet should be regularly audited – which the law already requires,” she said in a statement via email. “But I oppose the current version of this bill because it promotes congressional meddling in the Fed’s monetary policy decisions, which risks politicizing those decisions and may have dangerous implications for financial stability and the health of the global economy.”


The disappointment hangs in the air like a beer fart on a hung-over Saturday morning. Senator Lieawatha *promised* us she would be sticking the shaft to the greedy, greedy Man. She was going to round up those evil capitalist running-dogs and send them to the Michael Vick Prosperity and Love Reeducation Kennel. Apparently not if they pay her a sufficient Dane-geld first.

Senator Lieawatha loves the poor like President Obama does. She thinks they’re *cute* and would like to collect them and trade them with her other Progressive friends. Owning lots of poor people allows her to status signal and that’s way more important to the typical Progressive than actually making any progress. She’ll speak loudly against the status-quo and ignore the depredations of its beneficiaries as long as they donate to her reelection campaign.

You see in Orwellian, Post-modern America, if you like the status quo, you’ve got to vote for Hope and Change™! Which brings us to why Rand Paul’s beliefs and views deserve a special scrutiny as he winds up the rubber band for a run at the Oval Office. Unlike Lieawatha Liz, [mc_name name=’Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY)’ chamber=’senate’ mcid=’P000603′ ]’s threats against anyone’s status quo have a certain valence. He might just be crazy like his dad and actually, you know, try and do something. It’s almost like Rand Paul is silly enough to wake up in the morning and go to work giving a rat’s rear end about his job. Elections could have consequences if we started electing people like that.


*-They promised me a Secret Decoder Ring to properly interpret the cryptic messages I keep getting from Koch Brother Overlords. It must have gotten lost in the email.

**-It’s like watching Renee Elmers valiantly protect the lives of unborn children, or the Washington Redskins attempt to play football, or, oh Hell, you get the point.


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