Image Credit: Pro Wrestling Scoops

So what do Jeff “Man-o-saurus Rex” Merkley [mc_name name=”Sen. Jeff Merkley (D-OR)” chamber=”senate” mcid=”M001176″ ], Bruce “The Beastinator” Braley [mc_name name=”Rep. Bruce Braley (D-IA)” chamber=”house” mcid=”B001259″ ], Al “Da Warhamma” Franken [mc_name name=”Sen. Al Franken (D-MN)” chamber=”senate” mcid=”F000457″ ] and Kay “Haggar the Horrible” Hagan [mc_name name=”Sen. Kay Hagan (D-NC)” chamber=”senate” mcid=”H001049″ ] all have in common? All four of them are out to make ISIS pay! They are all out to rain down the fire and brimstone on Iraq. They are all out to seriously sear Syria and mess with Mesopotamia. Unless, of course, you are entirely too educated to believe any of these pathetic poseurs. Yep, these Pudendae of Pugnacity are lying through their teeth. These disingenuous Democrats are Fall Soldiers because Winter Soldiers are actually war hawks after the election is over.

So all of these people owe their current exalted positions to having lit up the Peace Pipe like Cheech and Chong in either 2006 or 2008. They condemned foreign adventurism and warned of blowback. They demanded “responsible” drawdowns from Iraq because their spin doctors told them it sounded better than craven retreat. Kay Hagan was a veritable Paragon of the Pusillanimous in 2008. Here we sample the rotting, fly-blown remains of her responsibility rhetoric below.

Democrat Kay Hagan didn’t mince words about the Iraq War during her 2008 Senate campaign against Republican Elizabeth Dole. “We need to get out of Iraq in a responsible way,” Hagan declared in May of that year. “We need to elect leaders who don’t invade countries without planning and stay there without an end.”

Now, with the fickle winds of public opinion demanding aggressive military action against the bestial inhumanity of the ISIS barbarians, I’m reminded of a few lines from a Kipling poem.

Yes, makin’ mock o’ uniforms that guard you while you sleep
Is cheaper than them uniforms, an’ they’re starvation cheap;
An’ hustlin’ drunken soldiers when they’re goin’ large a bit
Is five times better business than paradin’ in full kit.
Then it’s Tommy this, an’ Tommy that, an’ “Tommy, ‘ow’s yer soul?”
But it’s “Thin red line of ‘eroes” when the drums begin to roll,

Of course Kay Hagan is too much of a bureaucratic hack to have a poetic bone in her oxygen-thieving body. This is how she sounds now that Hippies are only good for punching in 2014.

“This is the time for us to come together, Democrats and Republicans, to confront the challenges that are facing our nation,” she said this month.

I’d follow Dennis Kucinich before I’d respect Merkely, Braley, Funny-Man Franken or Kay Hagan. They would gladly sacrifice a battalion of America’s Finest to the sacred, beloved cause of taking that vital Reelection Firebase. Fake War Hawks are truly the Pigs of War. They have no strategy, no sense of our national interest whatsoever. They are push-button killers frying foreigners in some desert waste to win votes in a cynical blood sacrifice. We may have check-mated ourselves into a sick and brutal conflict against ISIS. If such is the case, than let us pray we are led by men and women of honor who will fight it and win for America, not for their own personal political ambitions.