I Just Don’t Know What’s Good For Me According To President Obama

The Really Real World of Ezra Klein and Matt Yglesias
The Really Real World of Ezra Klein and Matt Yglesias

I love Big Brother. He told me everything was well. I’m just too blood simple like the natives to figure out how good I’ve got it thanks to The Ministry of Love. I find this very relieving and will go back to drinking my Victory Gin because INGSOC will prevail over all.


Steve Kroft: Or do you think that, I mean, are you optimistic? What are the issues and what are you going to tell the American people?
President Obama: Here’s what I’m going to tell the American people. When I came into office, our economy was in crisis. We had unemployment up at 10 percent. It’s now down to 6.1. We’ve had the longest run of uninterrupted private sector job growth in our history. We have seen deficits cut by more than half. Corporate balance sheets are probably the best they’ve been in the last several decades. We are producing more energy than we had before. We are producing more clean energy than we ever had before. I can put my record against any leader around the world in terms of digging ourselves out of a terrible, almost unprecedented financial crisis
Steve Kroft: Do you think people will feel that?
President Obama: They don’t feel it. And the reason they don’t feel it is because incomes and wages are not going up.

I was worried before. Beheadings in Oklahoma tend to grab a guy’s attention. Learning that sexual slavery was a $9Bn industry in the Good Ole’ US of A had me a bit out of kilter. When US Intelligence underestimates an enemy who threatens to attack our cities and then our Fearless President has the unmitigated gall to toss Jim Clapper under the bus for the failures, it makes me wonder about The Head Kahuna.


Then Ezra Klein put it all in perspective. You see, in the real world encompassed by I-495, where the median house price in $750,000 and everybody’s children are both taller and smarter than average, Obamacare is working. It’s my imaginary world that spans the other 99.99% of American Zip Codes that it doesn’t quite function as well. And the only reason I’m not smarter and happier is because I don’t read the right sources of propaganda to adequately calibrate my doublethink.

President Obama’s health care law has been a big success in the real world (Vox has offered countless variations on this same argument), yet it remains unpopular in many quarters because too many Americans have been fed misinformation by unscrupulous conservative media sources.

Contra Matt Yglesias’ analysis that “Obamacare implementation’s going to be great and people will love it”,* is the fact that the market infrastructure to support it won’t be complete until 2015. We also note not in passing that a law that mandates you buy a product will tend to increase the number of people buying. Conservative propaganda organs such as MSNBC, The Washington Post, and USA Today have all reported that the majority of people who have been made to care about Obamacare are sorry that it exists. It’s a shame these silly people called anyone living West of Tyson’s Corner where the real world ends.


But with all that silliness blown away by the perspicacity of Matt Yglesias and Ezra Klein, I can bask in the glowing oratory of President Barack Obama. It’s all going to better. This will take place about when The Atlanta Braves finish winning The World Series, and The Washington Redskins change their name to The Potomac Peace Pipes. I know all this now because I’ve hear the good word from the real world.

*-The only clause missing was the implicit or else.


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