It was just last week when Egyptian President Muhammad Morsi came up with the perfect method of morale-conditioning that would prevent unfaithful or disloyal behavior among Egyptians. He banned songs from the radio that weren’t suitably patriotic and morally upright. Mayor Bloomberg, Senator Schumer and Congressman Nadler (HT: Streiff) turn their animus against fire arms instead of Romantic Music. However, each would agree with President Morsi that having too much free will running around loose allows sick people to make iniquitous choices and visit the misery of their inner demons on the rest of us.

The only thing these esteemed American gentlemen get wrong compared to the deeply thoughtful President Morsi is that they are not banning the true fountainhead of evil. You have to ban rock and roll.* If you effectively ban free will, you get rid of bad choices and everyone lives happily ever after. Like the brilliant and profoundly intellectual Ezra Klein told us, Century-Old Legal Documents confuse people, and furthermore, Hitler kinda’ sorta’ had a point.*

So like the friendly samurai guy in The Mikado, I’m here to help Senator Chuckles, Jerry Doughnut and Mayor Bloomban. You see, I’ve got a little list – a list of Rock songs that need to be banned and banned now if you want to prevent future school shootings. Here goes…

The Boomtown Rats – “I Don’t Like Mondays.”
Metallica –“Ronnie.”
Megadeth – “A Tout le Monde.”
KMFDN – “Son of a Gun”, “Stray Bullet”, “Waste.”
The Virginia Tech Shooter’s personal fav: Guns-N-Roses – “Mr. Brownstone.”
Styx – “Heavy Metal Poisoning.”

Now we know that corporate vultures who don’t love the children will tell you otherwise. That celebrity lobbyist, Christopher Dodd, will tell you censorship is E-VIL because you didn’t call it SOPA first. They’ll engage in all sorts of crazy-talk saying things like “Heavy Metal doesn’t kill people. It just pops their eardrums!”

Now all of this could be taken seriously by anyone stupid enough and over-educated enough to think like Ezra Klein. There are a few brave, masochistic souls who will be tempted, verily seduced, into clicking on some of these song lyrics. I’ll bet my head that none of them will drive home and shoot up a school regardless of how much Axl Rose gets on their nerves. There are also a couple of thousand people who own firearms and who will read Redstate.com today. I’ll bet my head none of them shoot up a school either – even if they really don’t like my selection of YouTube videos.

You would have to be a secular analog to “Dr. Righteous” and think like Ezra Klein to take a tragedy such as this and use it as your own personal Reichstag Fire in order to abridge the Constitutional Rights of others. As the gun-grabbers tune up with their paternalistic fascism, heed well the admonishment of American Founding Father Benjamin Franklin. “Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.”

*-Elvis is devil spelled backwards by a graduate of the local public school system.
**-Hitler also kinda’ sorta’ had a gonad, but you wouldn’t have wanted your daughter to bear his children.