Darwin Award: Suspect Gets Nailed for Portland Riot Arson, He Couldn't Take 'Back' the Clue to His ID

AP Photo/Noah Berger
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A federal officer fires crowd control munitions at Black Lives Matter protesters at the Mark O. Hatfield United States Courthouse on Friday, July 24, 2020, in Portland, Ore. Since federal officers arrived in downtown Portland in early July, violent protests have largely been limited to a two block radius from the courthouse. (AP Photo/Noah Berger)

There seems to be a never-ending supply of Darwin Award winners when it comes to the riots, especially in Portland.

Of course, that makes a certain amount of sense, because you really have to be not the sharpest tool in the draw if you’re there to begin with, despite the fact that media keeps trying to argue away the existence of anarchists or rioters, as my colleague Sister Toldjah pointed out.

So today, I have a two-fer for you.

The first one, I’m convinced has to be some kind of troll, or maybe the guy sucked in too much tear gas and it’s affecting his faculties.

This guy has a press helmet on, but he’d trying to entice folks to enter the federal property behind the fence.

“Come over,” he says. “They can’t arrest us all.” Yes, yes, they can. “We are the people. We have the strength,” he tries to argue to the others. No, you’re not. Most people in Portland and most of the country want the you guys out of there. “That’s why they made the Second amendment. So that this would not happen.”


Wait, what? I’m confused. They made the Second Amendment so people could riot at a federal courthouse? I think I missed that in my study of the Constitution.

Then when he finally left the inside of the fence, he said, “If I die, avenge me.” Alrighty now. You can’t even get people to come over the fence, you are not dying and these guys are not avenging you. But points for weirdness and trying to perform for the camera.

But the second person really does take the Darwin Award running away. We thought we had some candidates before, including the guy who threw an IED and then got nailed big time as well as the guy nailed by his grandmother, but this guy is hard to top. Although given their performance so far, I’m sure there will be others trying.

Edward Thomas Schinzing, 32, is in a little bit of trouble. According to the DOJ, he’s been charged with using fire to maliciously damage of destroy the Justice Center on May 29. The Justice Center holds the Multnomah County Detention Center jail and the Portland Police Bureau headquarters, and it’s near the federal courthouse.

According to the statement released by the DOJ on Tuesday, they allege that Schinzing was with protesters marching on May 29, when they reaching the Justice Center. Some broke windows and broke into the building.


Three civilian Multnomah County employees were working inside the Corrections Records Office at the time and fled for safety as the windows were broken. Based on a preliminary review of publicly-available videos from YouTube, Twitter, surveillance cameras, and still photos posted online, about 30 individuals entered the Justice Center through the broken windows. The individuals spray-painted portions of the office; damaged computer and other office equipment, furniture, and interior windows; and started fires.

But here’s where the Darwin Award comes in. How did they figure out he was involved?

Among those who entered the Justice Center, Schinzing was identified by a comparison with a jail booking photo and a distinctive tattoo of his last name across his upper back. Schinzing spread a fire that started near the front of the office by lighting additional papers on fire and moving them into a drawer of a separate cubicle.

At about 11:08 p.m., the building’s fire sprinkler system activated and extinguished the fires. At about the same time, law enforcement officers secured that portion of the Justice Center. The Multnomah County Detention Center housed approximately 289 inmates at the time.


He. had. his name. on his back.

His possible prize? Arson is punishable by up to 20 years in prison with a mandatory minimum sentence of 5 years and it’s the U.S. Attorney’s Office, with Billy Williams in charge. There was both a state and federal join investigation. Williams made it very clear in a statement to local news that he’s had enough.


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