This is a pretty straightforward list: and, unfortunately, a necessary one given the somewhat… lacking… performance of John McCain and his major staffers in the last race. So feel free to blame it on them.

Also, please note that if you’re the sort of person who is already anticipating the loss of our candidate in November then you’re almost certainly not going to like this list. I suggest that you avoid reading it, in order to avoid giving yourself pain. In fact, I suggest that you go offline and stay at home until after the November elections – and yes, that advice is also directed at the people gloomily anticipating the loss. Frankly, until your attitude improves it’s the best thing that you can do for the Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy; besides, it’s not like we’re factoring in your help at this point anyway.

But enough unpleasantness. On to the list!

Ten things I want from the eventual GOP nominee.

1. I want to wake up every morning and see that the New York Times is whining and moaning about the latest outrageous outrage that our outrageously outrageous nominee has said, done, and/or intimated.
2. I want said outrage to be a different one, every single day. The American liberal establishment is amazingly easy to offend, and it is almost criminal not to take advantage of that.
3. I want the Obama administration in a position where they have to feel that they have to win the message cycle every single day.
4. I want to see every stupid thing that the Obama administration has said and done for the last three years – and that list is Legion – in a campaign commercial somewhere. Half of that stuff doesn’t even need commentary.
5. I want the media held to its own standards for civility and reasoned discourse.
6. I want, therefore, every media interaction made by the candidate treated as if he was in hostile territory, which means that I want the candidate prepared to point out the personal hypocrisy of a would-be media scold.
7. I want the candidate to stand by the implications of his Vice Presidential choice. If he picks a street brawler, let him or her be a street brawler.
8. I WANT TO SEE JOE BIDEN WHIMPER LIKE A KICKED PUPPY AT THE END OF THE FIRST (AND SUDDENLY LAST)[*] VICE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE. And I want to see the media get really upset about that, too.
9. I want the candidate to like, respect, and give good consideration to the counsel of his campaign advisers… and never, ever, ever trust them. A related thought: when the first media leak occurs, fire and blacklist people. That’ll teach ’em quick to police (read: ‘rat out’) each other.
10. I want – and this is the Ur-requirement – I want the candidate to fight like he means it. I can live with a primary motivation based on cynical ambition and I don’t want a ‘win at any cost’ candidate – but if the last three years have taught us anything it’s that you cannot trust the Democrats to run the country right now without them mucking the whole thing up. I want a candidate who knows this, in his muscle memory.

That’s it.

Moe Lane (crosspost)

[* I misremembered: historically there’s been only one VP debate per cycle. My bad and thanks to commenter naraht for pointing that out. – ML]