Halloween Grinch: 'Big Gretch' Whitmer's Ridiculous Guidelines for Michigan Trick-or-Treaters

Michigan Office of the Governor via AP, Pool

Embattled Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer may be a lot of things, but a quitter she ain’t. “Big Gretch” lost a case in the Michigan Supreme Court earlier this month, with the court ruling her use of a 1945 law to justify a “state of emergency” as an excuse for her draconian COVID-19 lockdowns was unconstitutional and that her orders were no longer in effect.

Nonetheless, Big Gretch — Whitmer “modestly” claims it’s her favorite nickname — and the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services (MDHHS) have issued a new set of orders, which include new smaller indoor crowd sizes, new requirements forcing restaurants and bars to collect contact information from all patrons, and new “guidelines” for trick-or-treating, as reported by The State News.

All dine-in food service establishments are now required to maintain accurate records of the names and phone numbers of patrons who purchase food for consumption on the premises, along with the date and time of entry. If patrons refuse to give out this information then servers need to deny entry/service.

Those who refuse to comply now face stiff fines or even jail time.

Violations are punishable by a civil fine up to $1,000 and may also be treated as a misdemeanor punishable by imprisonment for not more than six months or a fine of not more than $200, or both. In addition, failure to comply with orders may violate a business or professional’s licensure requirements or present a workplace safety violation.

Big Gretch is serious, Michiganders, and she will not be told “no.” In her book, anyway.

Whitmer has been under fire for her heavy-handed approach to lockdowns and other restrictions from the early weeks of news that the virus was beginning to spread. Needless to say, her new round of edicts doesn’t sit well with many Michigan residents, either. One such resident is former state representative candidate RJ Regan. Breitbart writer Kyle Olson tweeted Regan’s plan.

“We can play games, too, Gretchen Whitmer. After Tuesday, we’re all turning our sights toward you.”

Oh, that’s good. Well done, RJ.

Then there’s Halloween.

As reported by WILX 10 in Lansing, Michigan, MDHHS earlier this month issued a new set of “guidelines” on how kids and their parents can safely celebrate Halloween.

“Parents and homeowners may have some understandable reservations about participating in the usual Halloween festivities this year,” WILX said. “With that in mind, the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services (MDHHS) has issued guidance on how to safely celebrate during the COVID-19 pandemic.”

State health officials offered the following “tips” for children and their parents:

  • Parents should talk with their children before Halloween about why the safety changes are necessary.
  • Instruct children about social distancing guidelines and the importance of remaining six feet from other children.
  • To help maintain social distancing in and between groups, participate in one-way trick-or-treating, guiding children to stay to the right.
  • Only trick-or-treat with people from the same household and avoid congregating in groups around houses.
  • Keeping groups from close interaction is also important.
  • Wear a cloth face covering over the nose and mouth. A costume mask is not a substitute for a cloth mask.
  • Only go to houses with safety measures in place.
  • Consider a neighborhood costume parade rather than participating in door-to-door trick-or-treating.

Got it, Michigan kiddies? Your governor cares about you. Your governor cares about you, too, homeowners. Below is your Halloween owner’s manual.

Homeowners passing out Halloween candy are “asked” to use the following health and safety measures:

  • Use duct tape to mark six-foot lines in front of the home and leading to the driveway or front door.
  • Position a disinfection distribution table between yourself and trick-or-treaters — and disinfect the table often.
  • Consider passing out candy in an open space where distancing is possible rather than from the front door.
  • Those who do not feel comfortable distributing candy should keep their porch lights off on Saturday, Oct. 31st during trick-or-treating hours.

All Halloween gatherings are subject to other Whitmer orders, of course, including limiting indoor groups to 10 people or less not from the same household and outdoor groups to 100 people or less. This whole thing reminds me of a joke I recently saw on social media.

“A maximum of six house guests will be allowed for Thanksgiving. Up to 30 people may attend funerals. I will be holding a funeral for my pet turkey that will pass away on November 26. Refreshments will be served.”

Then again, having a governor who cares so much about the trials and tribulations of the little people of Michigan is a beautiful thing to behold, huh?