Comedy Gold: Cher Stumps for 'Joe' Cuz He's 'Gonna Get the Freedoms Back' That Trump Took Away From You, America

FILE - In this Jan. 21, 2018 file photo, Cher speaks during a women's march rally in Las Vegas. Authorities say a man living at Cher’s home in Malibu, Calif., has been arrested on suspicion of providing fentanyl to someone who died of an overdose. NBC Los Angeles reports that 23-year-old Donovan Ruiz was arrested by Ventura County sheriff’s investigators. Authorities say he is the child of someone who works at the home.(AP Photo/John Locher)

If you haven’t seen the video at the bottom of the page, you’re in for a real treat, America. That’s right; the always-incisive, politically-astute Cher wants to tell you about all of the wonderful things Democrat presidential nominee Joe Biden is going to do for you — after four horrifying years of President Donald Trump “ripping the guts out of America.”

Pretty exciting, ain’t it? I know the anticipation is killing you so please read on. Spoiler: Joe’s gonna “get the freedoms back” that Trump took away from you — that is unless, as Cher says, she doesn’t even know if Joe is gonna be able to “get the freedoms back.”

During a campaign rally in Las Vegas on Saturday, Cher said we don’t have a moment to lose, because if Trump wins a second term, we won’t even be able to “recognize” America after he’s finished destroying it.

Before we get to Cher’s brilliant, in-depth political analysis, check out what happened during the first, very bizarre, 53 seconds after she took the stage. As this confused Twitter user correctly asked, “What is happening here?”

Hoo boy. Other than it appeared that she was going to lip-sync a song, I got nothin’.

Anyway, after she “sang” “Walking in Memphis,” she said “I’m here to talk about Joe and Kamala. Then the crazy started.

“So I’m here to talk about Joe and Kamala — and I’ve known Joe since 2006. And I — this is what I think. Something really important. And that is you can’t build anything unless you build it on the truth. And I believe that’s one of Joe’s great, great attributes. He is honest, he is truthful, he knows what he’s doing — he is smart. I mean he’s not gonna come in with no one — he’s coming in with the best people, and they’re ready to work.

“And they’re ready to try and change what this man in the White House has done; he is ripping the guts out of America. If he got four more years, we wouldn’t recognize it. We wouldn’t have any of the freedoms we have; I don’t even know if we’re gonna be able to get the freedoms back. It’s gonna take a long, long time to get the freedoms back that we’ve taken for granted.”

Ouch. I’m not sure what “freedoms” Trump has taken away from us, But I for one want them back. And it seems to me, based on Cher’s recommendation alone, that only Joe Biden can make that happen, folks. In addition to “getting our freedoms back,” said Cher, Joe is also “gonna make new jobs where there were no jobs before.”

“I’ve seen what has gone on. I’ve seen how we’ve changed as a group of people — especially women. I see that I was so ignorant, too. (Was?) […] I am excited about making this world a better place. I’m excited about Joe making this world a better place — because he wants to; I have talked to him about this. […]

“He’s got this idea to make jobs where there were no jobs before. You know, he’s got an idea how to make jobs where there were no jobs before. I don’t know if people — they’re good jobs. They pay well. And I’m not sure if people care what kind of a job as long as it’s honest, pays well, and it doesn’t kill you.”

Ah. Joe’s “got this idea,” see?  And the beauty is, Cher assured us, that we don’t care what kind of job we have, just as long as it’s honest and doesn’t kill us. Oh, these brand, spankin’ new jobs that Joe is going to create are going to pay well, too. How about that?

Joe can do it, America; Cher said so.

But here’s the thing. If you don’t vote (for Biden), we’ll have nothing. That’s right. Zip. In fact, the only thing we will have if Trump is re-elected is “Putin’s idea of what heaven is,” with Turkish strongman Recep Tayyip Erdoğan’s idea of what heaven is — thrown in for no additional charge. I don’t know about you, but I’m getting really excited about all of these new jobs that Biden is going to create out of thin air.

“Also, I wanted to tell you this. And it’s by way of explaining something about me that you don’t know. So my grandmother picked cotton, with my mother on the gunny sack. And it was a very rough existence. […] I want people to have better. I want people to feel good about themselves. […] I want schools to be decent, and not just for rich kids. I want schools to be decent for everyone.

“I just want you to go to […] vote. Because if you don’t vote we’ll have nothing. If he gets another term in office; if he gets another four years in office, we will have nothing. We will have Putin’s idea of what heaven is; we will have Erdagon’s idea of what heaven is; we will have all of these people — all these autocrats who will have his ear; who will be paying him money. And we will have no power. So I want us to have some power.”

She then chose to lie about Trump and “people” wanting to take away healthcare coverage for pre-existing conditions, which Trump has said repeatedly he has no interest in doing. “They’ve been trying to do this since the day dot” (Huh?), she said, explaining that “these guys are so full of s**t.”

And with that, the master of persuasive communication skills said, “Anyway, good night and thank you,” and departed the stage.

The bottom line.

Do Cher’s political views matter, in the bigger scheme of things relative to the election? Of course not. But what does matter is she’s a perfect example of untold millions of liberals who are as clueless as she is — untold millions of liberals, each of whose vote counts just as much as yours and mine. That is a sobering thought indeed.