In a coup of historic proportions, we at RedState have placed a mole in the Wendy Davis campaign for just this exact moment. Our mole has caught a recording of Wendy Davis practicing her expected concession speech tonight and we are excited to provide the text to you, a full nine hours before Wendy Davis is expected to concede. Without adieu, here it is!
Thank you, thank you to all of you for coming out here to show your support for our campaign. I know many of you have spent many long hours block walking, standing for hours in the rain at campaign events, running errands to make sure the campaign ran smoothly, standing up for Texas values and doing all the other things that (may I remind you) my opponent is physically unable to do. Although the people of Texas have sadly and emphatically rejected my candidacy, I believe strongly that all of you standing here can help me continue the important work we started.
I am proud of the fact that we ran a positive, issues-oriented campaign, and avoided the very obvious temptation to repeatedly make fun of the fact that my opponent literally can’t walk. I reject the contention raised by literally everyone in the media of all political stripes that many of my ads, speeches, and tweets indicated at least a subconscious bias against handicapped people. I am glad we were able to put that to rest when I dragged those crippled people out on stage with me to prove that some of my best friends are gimps. I am also disappointed that the people of Texas saw fit to elect a man who is opposed to interracial marriage, presumably even his own.
I believe that our campaign, though impressively unsuccessful, has demonstrated that even here in Texas, we are making great strides for women’s equality. I am proud that I was able to show both with my personal life and my campaign, that women are perfectly capable of convincing gullible men to give them large amounts of money for no discernible reason whatsoever.
I strongly believe that we have shown that by doing this, there is nothing we can’t accomplish. Except of course being elected to statewide office. That one is still a head scratcher.
But we can continue this very important fight, and I want to continue to encourage every single person here to please send me money to help continue this fight on behalf of women everywhere. Help me help them. Help me show the way. In short help me. Seriously. I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life now.
Now, I want to make a third and final point. I know it’s very late in the speech, but
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