Behold: On This International Women's Day, I Shall Define 'Woman'

Caroline Brehman/Pool via AP
The opinions expressed by contributors are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of


Happy International Women’s Day!

I say that with some measure of caution. After all, I don’t mean to pretend that it is actually that simple to identify and define a woman in the quest to celebrate her as a woman. This is a complicated issue. Even some of the greatest minds in the world can’t seem to come to a conclusion.

Our latest Supreme Court Justice suggested only biologists can tell us what a woman is.

I don’t think she gets enough credit for her brilliant response. It takes a lot of balls to accept a nomination to the highest court in the land on the basis of the very specific conditions of the nominee being Black and a woman, and then turn around and say you cannot even say for sure what a woman is.


Of course, The Daily Wire asked us all “What is a woman?” as the world looked on in confusion. It seems no one could really answer the question – either because for some the answer seems so obvious the question feels ridiculous or because for others the answer to the question seems so complicated.

So, since we are celebrating this very auspicious, felicitous, propitious (the thesaurus isn’t much help for describing a woman, but it has lots of fun words for “great”) day -a day when we congratulate all the women in the world for choosing to be women, and working so very hard to be women- I thought I would be a Good Woman and ease some of this prevailing confusion. I never would have thought this necessary five years ago, but here we are.

It is not lost on me that my definition sits behind a paywall. That’s on purpose. Only you valued members have the privilege of my clarity. You pay for it. Your subscriptions aren’t just memberships to exclusive content, they are proof of your superior intellect. Not everyone is capable of understanding such complicated concepts as “woman” or “man.” Not everyone has the brain capacity, or moral fortitude to absorb the earth-shattering information about to be directed towards your unsuspecting eyes. Your good judgment in joining us in this quest to tell the truth without fear of censorship is the cost of entry into the Country Club of Reality.

I am only able to share this exclusive, valuable, controversial knowledge with you because of your loyalty, and your understanding that in order to thwart the boot of Big Tech on our necks, we need avenues with which to fund ourselves. When we depend on their ad dollars, we depend on their definitions, and in case you haven’t noticed, their definition of pretty much everything sucks non-gender-specific genitals.

I shall hold you in suspense no longer. Your patronage demands I lift this veil, on this very blessed International Women’s Day. Are you ready?

A woman is:

A female human bearing XX chromosomes.

Please guard this secret with your lives…or at least your continued patronage.

As we whisper the most basic definitions of the most basic concepts that have been the most accepted ideas throughout the entirety of human history, please don’t forget that this column is only half-joking.

As insane as it sounds, we really are in a time when pointing out the obvious can spell personal and professional disaster. I should know. I recently lost a huge sponsor on my podcast literally two hours after I posted an episode questioning transgender cultural aggression.

Read ‘My Sponsors Dropped Me for the Sin of Recognizing Biological Reality’ Here

Thank you to all of you who sponsor the truth. And congratulations to those of you who have those XX ‘somes working for you. This is your day. Go make a sandwich or something.



Trending on RedState Videos