10 Predictions for the Golden Globes Broadcast

The Umpteenth Annual Golden Globe Awards are this Sunday and this year stands to be more interesting than most thanks to Harvey Weinstein and #MeToo.

Will we hear award winners be as bold with their criticism of each other as they are of the American people? Will anyone have the courage to call out the creeps among them? Will they just ignore everything and carry on business as usual? Will there be Trump jokes?


Unsurprisingly, the Hollywood elite have already adopted a #MeToo accessory – black. In a courageous show of courageous bravery the brave celebrities will courageously wear black to protest…themselves? Or the just the idea that sexual harassment is wrong…amongst themselves…er…

I don’t know. Like anyone who lives for attention, the Hollywood set knows that your good thoughts don’t matter unless everyone in the world knows you’re thinking them.

Whatever happens, it will certainly be interesting to see how intellectually honest (or dishonest) the Hollywood crowd can be. While we wait on pins and needles, here are some of my predictions for upcoming Golden Globes broadcast on ABC.

  1. There will be an exhaustive use of #MeToo in every speech and throughout the show. It will replace the peace sign, the clenched fist and last year’s favorite – #Resist – as the virtue signaling of choice for 2018.
  2. Every male artist’s speech or interview will center around how much better women are than men.
  3. Not one of the now-disgraced Hollywood influencers will be mentioned by name. Vague outrage will be the name of the game.
  4. Any serious talk of Hollywood sexual harassment issues by Seth Meyers will be front loaded so he can spend the rest of the show pretending 3/4s of the audience haven’t been enabling sexual harassment and degradation for eons.
  5. TRUMP JOKES, TRUMP JOKES AND MOOOOOAAARRRRRR TRUMP JOKES!!!!!!! ALL THE TRUMP JOKES!!!! Why focus on the beam in your own eye when that speck in America’s eye is so glaringly orange?
  6. Publicists and managers will direct their actresses on the red carpet will be far too boring serious.
  7. Whataboutism will be alive and well and predominantly aimed at Melania and Ivanka Trump.
  8. Not one person will thank the viewers at home for buying their products and making them all very, very rich and privileged.                                                                                                                                                                                        
  9. There will be no fewer than 6 jokes made about Trump’s tweeting. After all, rebooting old ideas is very popular in Tinseltown these days.                                                           
  10. The show will be too long, too self-congratulatory and once again remind the general American viewer of why they are consistently rejecting the old, stale, studio fare they keep shoving down our throats in favor of more innovative entertainment platforms.

Or, they could surprise us all and actually apologize for being arrogant hypocrites who have intentionally alienated their customer base for decades and decades.

But I won’t hold my breath.


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