This Story Proves We Should All Strive To Be John Kelly

If every American aspired to be John Kelly, only then would we Make America Great Again.

The saying goes that having to do something difficult is like “herding cats.” Cats are independent-minded creatures that just don’t give a damn about you or your plans for them. They will do absolutely nothing outside of their realm of interest no matter how hard you plead, beg, etc.


There is one reason, and one reason only, that the comparison between a difficult, often impossible, and incredibly aggravating task and herding cats exists: Because up until now, no one had to deal with being Donald Trump’s Chief of Staff.

Enter General John Kelly, the most resolute man in America.

He has the task of trying to herd Donald Trump in one direction or another while simultaneously herding people to or away from Trump, a man with the apparent attention span of a goldfish. If that is not more aggravating and tiresome than herding cats, I don’t know what is.

Today, Donald Trump went on a morning tweetstorm that was, contrary to its purported intent, not smart. Kelly, whose job is to keep Trump on track, apparently does not read Trump’s tweets (as an aside, I wish to one day be as smart and wise as John Kelly). Here’s what happened when confronted with those tweets.

Ok.” That is his only response. If you were to test noted hardass X-man Wolverine’s adamantium claws against Kelly’s psyche, Wolverine would say “Nope,” and walk away. Batman, the most powerful non-superpowered human in comic book history, a man with the mental fortitude to create a backup consciousness in case his brain was attacked, cannot stand up to Kelly’s fortitude.


We should all strive to take things in the stride that Kelly does in his line of work – the most challenging line of work there is. Lesser men would have ruptured an aneurysm by now. But Kelly? Kelly stands tall.

If your New Year’s Resolution wasn’t “I want to be John Kelly,” then you are doing New Year’s Resolutions wrong.


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