The Horrific Reason Why Donald Trump Eats Steaks Well Done

In the past, I have written about why Donald Trump’s steak preferences – cooked well done and eaten with ketchup – render him ineligible to be President of the United States of America.

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I just assumed, like most things about Trump, that it was a grotesque character flaw. As it turns out, however, the “well done” part might just be a life-saving measure, based on this Reuters story.

Undercooled meat, potentially dangerous raw fish and broken coolers were among 13 violations found by restaurant inspectors at Mar-a-Lago, the exclusive Florida resort owned by President Donald Trump, during visits in late January, state officials said on Thursday.

Mar-a-Lago representatives did not respond to requests for comment on the problems discovered at the private club, which charges $200,000 in initiation fees and has been dubbed the Southern White House. The officials said the infractions were fixed the same day.

This weekend, Trump is due to make his seventh trip as the 45th president of the United States to the Palm Beach property that he purchased in 1985.

The Florida Division of Hotels and Restaurants said three of the violations were deemed “high priority,” meaning they could lead to illness-causing bacteria being served in meals. It said they were corrected immediately and the property’s three kitchens brought into compliance before its inspectors left.

Cooking his steaks over extreme heat for a long time hopefully kills whatever harmful bacteria is in the meat at Trump’s “Winter White House,” Mar-a-Lago. I can’t explain the ketchup part – that’s just gross.

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Trump has been hosting foreign dignitaries at Mar-a-Lago. This could be an elaborate CIA plot to destabilize China, for example, whose leader was just meeting with Trump at the resort last week.

I can’t prove Trump is doing it on purpose, but given the number of leaks from his administration, I expect to see “TRUMP PLOTS ASSASSINATIONS WITH BAD MEAT” at Wikileaks any day now. Maybe we can get Bashar al Assad and Kim Jong Un to meet with Trump at the resort for a peacekeeping summit and they can try the veal, which is kept out back in a styrofoam ice chest made in 1984 with the “TRUMP” logo emblazoned across it. Probably.

One can hope that these problems get resolved because, well you know, Trump is the President of the United States and he shouldn’t go down because of a piece of bad meat.

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