DID YOU KNOW? The Democrats Are Having A Debate Tonight

Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders are set to participate in a debate tonight on CNN, less than a week ahead of the New York Primaries, which will determine the fate of… literally nothing. Nothing at all. Hillary is going to win the nomination. This is a fool’s game, Bernie. You know this. Surely you see the Super Delegate numbers are stacked against you. Why are you doing this to yourself?


In any event, the debate will serve as the candidates’ last chance to appeal on a massive media scale to the voters of New York. As we know, New York has a diverse population of people who voted for Hillary Clinton to be their Senator once for some reason. Sanders has the accent down, though. It’ll be tough, but a racist faux pas on the part of Clinton and de Blasio could alienate some of the black vote, giving Sanders an in.

Sanders, however, has to realize that while his stand up comedy routine that is disguised as actual policy works for the younger voters, it doesn’t play well with the rich white folks who like their money and want to keep it. And, the thing about money is that people love to use it to keep it, and will spend however much they have to in order to keep it. I know it sounds weird, but look at all the big money that backs Hillary. He has to have real ideas at some point in order to really get people who aren’t predisposed to worshiping happy rhetoric with no actual substance on his side, too.


Tonight’s debate is a chance to showcase all of this. Alternatively, it’s a chance for the Autotune The News guys to create another stellar music video.


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