Wasting Money, Bigley: LA County Museum Spent $10M...on a Rock

I saw an article by Ward Clark about a garbage piece of garbage art. And although I, of course, thought of our garbage president and his labeling of half the country as “garbage,” I wanted to add my take on modern art, aka: Hot Garbage.

Back in 2007, the Los Angeles County Museum of Art spent a little under $10,000,000 on a 340-ton rock. The museum constructed a building to house it. Kind of. Technically, it's a concrete trench, aka a walking path. The rock finder, aka “sculptor,” is Michael Heizer. Mr. Heizer started his search for his massive rock 55 years ago. In 2006, Heizer was in Riverside one day and, eureka! A rock. Heizer rushed to tell the museum his wonderous news — like he was Indiana Jones, and he had found the Holy Grail. He announced that he had found a rock in a rock quarry. You can imagine – the curators were ecstatic.

“You found a rock!... THE rock?”

Yes, indeed, Heizer had grifted, I mean “found” his masterpiece. He named his rock:

“Levitated Mass”

I get chills thinking about it. The museum-built structure (a walkway) to house his big stone. The museum website describes it as follows:

Levitated Mass was originally conceived by Heizer in 1969; a drawing of the work is in the collection of the Staatliche Museen ze Berlin. The original attempt to build the sculpture took place in 1969 when a 120-ton rock was obtained by Heizer in the Sierras above Reno, Nevada. Although a slot depression had been excavated in a northern Nevada dry lakebed to set the megalith on, the rock proved too heavy to load, breaking one of the two cranes being used. The slot was never combined with the megalith.

If you haven’t heard of Michael Heizer, he’s an “Earth artist.” He was rarely seen because for 20 years, he was working on “The City” in the Nevada desert. What's that? I don't know — and I don't care. He was most famous (before the Levitated Mass) for “Double Negative.” That waste of space is two bulldozed trenches in the remote desert of southern Nevada. I know…pretty awesome, huh? Trenches. I get goose-pimply just thinking of it/them.

One wonders, did Heizer file an Environmental Impact Report? How many desert tortoises and desert roses did he murder “building” Double Negative”? I suspect loads of rare midget desert mice and some endangered horny toads died as living sacrifices to his genius. But art has its price.

Sorry, toads.

Why was the museum spending millions on a rock? Art. You dilettante, how dare you ask! Art is expensive. According to Michael Govin (the guy in charge of the exhibit) in 2007, “This is a very ancient tradition ranging from the ancient Egyptian cultures to the Olmek in Mexico, of moving monoliths.”

Govin also said: "Is anyone going to understand this?"

No, Mike, we don't.

Govin added: “The campus (at LACMA) is a multicultural center and this rock will mark it – in a very weighty, timeless and, light manner also…I can’t imagine anyone who would not want to experience this beautiful sculpture.”

Well, the rock has been levitating for 12 years, and I still have zero desire to see it — so I guess I am "that guy."

How is something weighty and light at the same time? Art... go figure.

The boulder is one component of the artwork, as is the 456-foot-long slot beneath it and the surrounding environment. As with other works by the artist, such as Double Negative (1969) or North, East, South, West (1967/2002), the monumental negative form is key to the experiential nature of the artwork. Taken whole, Levitated Mass speaks to the expanse of art history — from ancient traditions of creating artworks from megalithic rock, to modern forms of abstract geometries and cutting-edge feats of engineering.

Nah, it’s a freaking rock. LA County spent 10 million dollars on a rock. Modern Art sucks. I encourage eco-terrorists to target the rock. Throw tomato soup on Levitated Mass instead of actual art. It couldn't hurt. It might help.