Sunday Funnies: Does the FBI Have a File on Me? Uhhh, Yeah.

Jim Thompson

I was intrigued. A few days ago, there was a shooting at Guaranteed Rate Field. It is the home stadium for the Chicago White Sox. I’m wondering when there will be a groundswell to change the name of the team. Anything but “white” – but that will be a separate column.

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Two people sitting in the stands suffered gunshot wounds. No, there was no mass panic. The stands weren’t evacuated. Stadium employees tended to the wounded. One woman was grazed, and another was hit in the leg. Although one witness said she heard “pops” from a gun, that is likely an invention of what she wanted to hear. The shooter was almost certainly outside the stadium. A woman found a 9mm bullet in her hoodie. I was intrigued.

I Googled “9mm ballistic calculations” and realized that by doing so, I likely just popped up on the FBI radar. I pictured a brand new white-shirted “Special Agent” chewing on a granola bar and preparing to use his he/him pronouns at his Monday DEI training. He likely finished his granola bar, cleaned the crumbs from his keyboard, and started a file on me. He then realized there already was one.

I blithely mentioned to an editor that some agent was likely creating a file on me. I was told (correctly), “Jim, you are already on the FBI radar.” Although a chill down my spine, I think my editor is right.

Over the past two years, I haven’t been gentle while mocking the FBI. The modern FBI under Director Chris Wray and, before that, James Comey, has been a dark caricature – a sick alternative to what I thought the FBI was and should be. What should it be? A neutral law enforcement agency. A competent group of men and women dedicated to finding bad guys and bad gals and enforcing federal law regardless of who the law-breaker is or what political party the law-breaker belongs to. Sadly we have all seen a degradation of that trust.

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James Comey failed. Chris Wray failed. I drew cartoons mocking the FBI. 

The FBI stubbed its giant toe in Michigan:

 

Leaked information to the Washington Post.

 

 It allowed a predator to ruin the lives of women.

 

 

The FBI did everything but climb into bed with a Clinton. If you lost your lunch over that visual, sorry.

 

 

And the FBI has a file full of the names of Epstein’s Pedo clients. Why don’t we know those names?

 

So yeah, I guess I popped up on some special agent’s radar because I wanted to check on the ballistics of a 9mm bullet. I wanted to know how far away the Chicago shooter was. If you are reading this, Special Agent, I was just checking on the math, Sir/Madam.

That special agent likely pulled my file, maybe saw my cartoons, and if he wasn’t a humorless drone, he/him chuckled. Maybe he'll share my cartoons tomorrow at his DEI training. No?

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