CODE RED: Breaking News: CNN Reports Maskless Teacher Killed Ferris Bueller

Ron DeSantis is vaccinated. He supports vaccinations. He was proactive in getting the most vulnerable vaccinated, first. He also knows that the data shows there is little to no evidence that cloth masks do much good at all in arresting the spread of Covid. He isn’t stopping anyone from wearing a mask, but he isn’t mandating anyone wear a mask either.


Nonetheless, CNN hosts, like mirror-loving Jim Acosta, the human, King Edward potato Brian Stelter, and the reliably wrong Brianna Keilar to name three, have all pushed nonsense that DeSantis is pushing a “death cult.”

Recently, Keilar reported that four teachers had died from Covid. First problem. It wasn’t four. It was two teachers, but meh, it’s CNN, so let’s move on to the next apple turned banana. Keilar and reliably hyperbolic John Berman reported the story, tying these deaths to Ron DeSantis because the governor is allowing parents to make the choice to mask or not mask their children.

The CNN hosts didn’t frame it as unvaccinated people dying, instead they framed it as unvaccinated teachers dying like flies, then tying that completely unrelated thread to maybe maskless children at school will cause a coming delta apocalypse.

Second problem. Florida schools aren’t open yet. Deaths of unvaccinated people is unfortunate — but that has no more to do with DeSantis’ pro-vaccine policies and his order allowing parents to make a choice about masks, than Brian Stelter has to do with journalism. But, that never stops CNN from asking “When did DeSantis stop beating wife wife?” questions.


CNN has a habit of taking unrelated strings and weaving those strings into hyperbolic, often wrong narratives.

CNN reportage reminds me of “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.” In a famous scene, Ben Stein, playing a deadpan teacher, asks, “Where is Ferris Bueller?”

Here’s “Simone,” who is perky and pretty, but a girl with clearly more air in her head than brains, offering a Kevin Bacon, 12-degrees of separation explanation about what happened to Ferris. It’s comedy gold. CNN’s hosts explaining how pro-vaccine DeSantis is somehow responsible for unvaccinated teachers dying and masks… masks might have saved teachers who…weren’t teaching?

I don’t know how it works. Maybe Simone knows, though. Yeah, let’s ask CNN’s Simone, she’ll explain things. Like, no problem whatsoever.


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