Greetings from the sports desk located somewhere below decks of the Good Pirate Ship RedState. Sammy the Shark and Karl the Kraken are preoccupied with playing bubble hockey, which involves actual bubbles in the water since they’re currently swimming alongside the ship. So, as usual, yours truly is doing all the writing.

I’ve never been inclined to do even the slightest amount of sports wagering due to the thoroughly unpredictable nature of athletic events. That said, there are certain elements in sports upon which one can safely place a bet or two, or at least could, should you find someone foolish enough to take the bet. The San Francisco Giants will lose out on any and all high-profile free agents no matter how much money they offer, Stephen A. Smith will rip on the Dallas Cowboys every time they lose a game, and Deadspin will miss no opportunity to beclown itself when it comes to attempting to force-feed race into situations where no racial animus exists. Such is the case in Carron J. Phillips’ December 19 screed decrying how, in his view, it is a racist scandal that Florida politicians aren’t demonstrating the same level of ecstasy over Division 1AA school Florida A&M winning the 2023 HBCU championship with a 30-26 victory over Howard in the Cricket Celebration Bowl as they are fury over Florida State’s FCS non-inclusion.

Phillips — yes, the same writer who in November 2023 tried labeling a nine-year-old with direct American Indian lineage racist for wearing team color face paint and a feather headdress to a Kansas City Chiefs game — is a master at writing stories that a surface glance indicates contain maximum high dudgeon, but in fact are saturated with low comedy. This time around, he attempts to excoriate Florida Governor Ron DeSantis and other Sunshine State politicos for not lauding the Rattlers with the same fervor they have lambasted the NCAA for dismissing the Florida State Seminoles from national championship consideration despite their undefeated season. Writes Phillips:

FSU and the ACC lost out on millions, their anger is beyond valid and always has been. The problem is that something good happened for the state of Florida when the Black school that’s down the street from Florida State won a national title, bringing joy and excitement to a football state and the city of Tallahassee. Florida lawmakers need to stop being obsessed with what FSU won’t be playing for and pay more attention to what FAMU has already accomplished.

Phillips’ proof DeSantis is less interested in FAMU’s win than FSU’s snub? Brace yourself …

What we learned today is that you can go undefeated and win your conference championship game, but the College Football Playoff committee will ignore these results.

Congratulations to @FSUFootball on an outstanding season and winning the ACC championship!

— Ron DeSantis (@GovRonDeSantis) December 3, 2023

Congratulations, @FAMU_FB on making your first Celebration Bowl appearance a memorable one and coming home as the 2023 HBCU National Champions!

You’ve had an outstanding season and made the state of Florida proud.

— Ron DeSantis (@GovRonDeSantis) December 17, 2023

And now, back to Phillips:

The post dedicated to FAMU had six fewer words. It may be petty, but semantics and details matter. Besides, the governor’s praise on social media was par for the course.

No, seriously, Phillips wrote that.

Not that such thoughts occur to grievance monorail mongers such as Phillips who have but one factor connecting them to their chosen career, but shall we at least entertain the possibility that in addition to his being petty, a facet of his public persona in which he is well versed, the Floridian anger over Florida State’s snub is rooted in money and prestige? A Division 1A football championship is worth much more moolah and free publicity than an HBCU championship. Sorry, not sorry. Besides, if anyone has reason to cry racism in this, it is Florida State, as the primary reason the FCS committee bypassed them is the season-ending injury to their stud quarterback, Jordan Travis. Who is, you know, black and stuff.

The Carron J. Phillips and Deadspin’s purpose in this world is not sports journalism, nor is it highlighting societal issues warranting addressing. It is generating heat and bringing attention, not to issues, but to self. Heat generates clicks. Clicks generate ad revenue. As long as being stupid provides paychecks, such will continue. I fully realize this article unwillingly furthers Phillips and Deadspin’s goal in bringing attention to their latest folly. However, think not of it as aiding and abetting. Rather, consider it part of resupplying the storehouse from which conservatives can draw when rebutting the left’s fallacious folly. Besides, we deserve the laugh.