Houston Astros, Stuff Your Sorries in a Sack!


The Houston Astros need to stop “apologizing,” air quote, for cheating to win the 2017 World Series  unless and until they actually feel remorse for their actions, because at this point they sound like Hillary Clinton desperately publicly workshopping various responsibility-avoiding narratives to the world to see which one sticks.


They’re also a living example of what happens when we, as a society, merely accept a verbal apology from people who’ve done wrong without any secondary show of remorse or restitution.

Major League Baseball fans have been subjected to a week of pandering, laughable “apologies” from Houston Astros players after the dumpster fire of an “apology” press conference from owner Jim Crane. Unfortunately for the club, every time an Astros player attempts to do some damage control they only make it worse, because their insincerity shines through.

As someone who remembers hearing the god-awful racket coming from the Astros’ bullpen during their appearances at Chavez Ravine during the 2017 World Series and wondering what the hell they were doing, I have a bit of advice for the World Series Champions*.

If you aren’t truly sorry for something you’ve done, even though you’ve been caught, I don’t want to hear a single da** word out of your mouth. It’s more respectful to walk away and say nothing than to mouth an insincere apology. So, Houston Astros, in the immortal words of George Costanza, “Stuff your sorries in a sack!”

We’ve heard enough.

We’ve heard your owner take zero personal responsibility and make the (now former) GM and manager fall guys, blaming them for not giving “proper guidance” to the players before pulling the “Well, we can’t change the past so let’s just all smile and move on” card.


We’ve heard Astros players Alex Bregman and Jose Altuve half-heartedly attempt to apologize, but their use of collective pronouns instead of singular gave them away. They only showed remorse for the impact to the game and to their fans and had no words about how it affected players on opposing teams.

We’ve watched Carlos’ Correa’s classless response to the Dodgers’ Cody Bellinger after Bellinger commented on the light punishments given to the Astros player and contended that Jose Altuve stole the Most Valuable Player award from the Yankees’ Aaron Judge. In a live interview, Correa told Bellinger to STFU.

But hey, without the sign stealing scheme Correa, who was a complete showboating a$$hat during that series, couldn’t have proposed to his girlfriend right there at Dodger Stadium immediately after winning a tainted World Series ring. Give the guy a break.

It gets worse.


Now the “excuse” is that they were just young kids who thought everyone was cheating.

Even Stephen Smith says it. Shut. Up.


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