Some Commonsense Gun (Er...Sex) Control Regulations

[TRIGGER WARNING: This article may contain words of a sexual nature that may offend some readers]

This past September as students were returning to college, an innovative young lady at the University of Texas in Austin organized a protest against Texas’ law allowing concealed weapons on campus.  She called the protest “Cocksnotglocks” and students were to carry and display vibrators and dildos on their backpacks.  The Left embraced the idea.


Texas passed the law in response to some high-profile campus mass shootings.  After every one of these episodes, there is the inevitable call for “commonsense” gun control regulations.  No one knows why college campuses seem to be the preferred site for these shootings, but “commonsense” suggests that they are easy targets because they are “gun free zones” which is why they are probably targeted by people with guns.

Barack Obama would use these events to give an emotion-filled speech to a national audience with the obligatory call for commonsense gun control regulations.  Inevitably, he will say that if these regulations save but one life, they are worth it.  With 2016 nearing a close, the number of deaths attributed to mass shootings is 23.  Overall, in 2015 there were a little over 21,000 firearm-related homicides.  Of course, there is little talk of these deaths since most of them occur in liberal cities like DC, Philadelphia and Chicago.  Instead, we concentrate and the president commiserates over the mass shootings.

In the United States, about 7,000 people die from AIDS every year.  That is considerably more than the 23 deaths attributable to mass shootings.  In fact, in some communities sexual behavior is a greater cause of death than firearms.  Despite the untold billions spent fighting not only AIDS but a plethora of sexually transmitted diseases, there are no emotional speeches about commonsense sex regulations.  If gun regulations should be passed because “saving even one life is worth it,” then wouldn’t commonsense sex regulations save even more lives?


For example, Congress should enact a law calling for a mandatory waiting period before instigating any sexual activity, especially intercourse.  Furthermore, this writer is calling for mandatory background checks to be performed on any potential sexual partner.

The federal government must establish a national sexual participant registry that contains detailed sexual history information on all potential participants in any act of sex.  And all states must update their registries of sex participants so that there is a truly national database.  As for who should be on this registry, only people who the government deems to show low-risk sexual behavior and adequate emotional behavior when it comes to sex should be cleared to participate in sexual activity.  In this way, the list will not be that large making the regulation of sexual activity more manageable.

Gun control advocates are ignorant of how Internet gun sales actually occur claiming there is a loophole where none exists.  Not so with sex!  Sorry Tinder and other sex hook-up sites, but your days are numbered as this writer proposes a ban on such Internet sites.  But it does not stop there.  No clothing deemed “sexy” should be sold on the Internet, nor should vibrators, dildos or even lubricants be sold online.  Instead, when purchasing these items, store owners would be required to check the purchaser against the national database before completing the sale.  This may potentially lead to a decrease in the sale of French maid and cheerleader outfits, but if it saves one life, it is worth it.


It makes no sense to the gun control advocate why anyone would want more than one firearm or two for protection, unless you are a gun collector.  Likewise, there should be a two-person lifetime limit on the number of sexual partners one may have…unless you are a registered collector of sexual partners, in which case you receive a government-approved license.

Just as the gun show loophole must be closed, so too must the bar hook-up loophole be closed.  Before any conversation at a bar between two potential sexual partners takes place, the owner of the establishment must ascertain they are cleared for potential sexual activity by checking them against the national registry.

Many gun control advocates loathe the idea of concealed carry laws.  We need to follow that through and reconsider concealed genital requirements in many public places.

Finally, people who violate these laws and have been convicted should be subject to a lifetime ban on sexual activity upon their release.  And considering that a black market sex market will develop, punishments for violating these laws should be severe.  You have sex and you’re not approved through the registry?  At least ten years for a first offense.  Anyone assisting someone banned by the registry- straw sex- gets the book (“The Joy of Sex?”) thrown at them!

This writer believes these commonsense sex control regulations will save many American lives, decrease the spread of sexually-transmitted diseases, save billions in public health expenditures and not violate any provision of the United States Constitution.


If these proposed regulations save at least one life, or even 7,000, then they are worth it.  It is long overdue that this Nation pass commonsense sexual activity regulations.  Given all the aids at the government’s disposal, it behooves this writer to understand why our government cannot achieve what 17th century Puritans could.


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