Scene: A high-end casino in the rich part of somewhere. A beautiful woman in a sleek red dress and heels walks up to one of the tables, hips swaying seductively as she nears an empty chair. Gracefully, she sits down across from a well-dressed figure whose charm and charisma radiates without a word, yet the woman can't help but sense an intriguing element of danger. She smiles demurely, bats her eyes, and says "I'm Heinie Aplenty, what's your name?"  

"Lizzo," the fat, black woman responds. "Lizzo Bond." 

I'm not sure what the odds of that happening are, but now that Amazon bought the rights to James Bond, the odds are annoyingly higher than they should be. With Bezos's streaming service, what they release is hit or miss, and the misses happen way more often than the hits do. For every "The Terminal List" there are at least five "Rings of Powers." 

Amazon is just as guilty of slapping everything with that "girlboss" coat of paint that's become so tiresome that it's trained the American people to just ignore offerings from entertainment companies altogether. Disney can't even get anyone to watch anything with the word "Star Wars" attached to it now, and the aforementioned "Rings of Power" saw its audience plummet in the second season.  

If you were hoping Amazon learned anything from that, don't count on it. As I showed in my latest YouTube video, Amazon's upcoming "G20" features an older black woman president beating up men twice her size (they really thought Kamala Harris would win) in order to save the world. 

No, really. 

So you can imagine that fans of Britain's most famous spy are about as enthused as a government employee watching Elon Musk walk through their office. Very few people are going to have a good time with what follows. 

However, if there's any hope to be had, Bezos is asking the people who they think the new James Bond should be, and the answer is already clear who we all want. According to Variety, the vast majority responded with Henry Cavill as the only real option, and I agree: 

Social media users started flooding Bezos’ replies with their thoughts on who should become the new James Bond, from Tom Cruise to James McAvoy. But it was the Henry Cavill social media army that swarmed Bezos’ posts with pictures and gifs pitching the former “Superman” actor to become the new 007. It’s hardly a surprise, as Cavill is constantly pitched by fans to be James Bond on the big screen.

Cavill could have been Bond had Craig not earned the role of 007 in the 2006 franchise reboot “Casino Royale.” The film reinvigorated the Bond franchise after Pierce Brosnan’s divisive “Die Another Day” in 2002, and it kicked off Craig’s acclaimed tenure as Bond. “Casino Royale” director Martin Campbell told Express UK last year that Cavill’s audition was incredible.

As funny as it is to laugh about Amazon turning Bond into a fat black woman... 

There's really only one choice for Amazon's new James Bond. pic.twitter.com/BczlMDXnQB

— Brandon Morse (@TheBrandonMorse) February 20, 2025

... the real danger isn't miscasting the protagonist, it's making the mistake of casting him correctly and then overshadowing him with a woman in the name of female empowerment and representation, which has been Hollywood's go-to way to shoot themselves in the foot. It would be extra tragic, because that's what happened to Netflix's "The Witcher," which saw Henry Cavill perfectly cast as the protagonist, Geralt of Rivia, only to have his character overshadowed by secondary female characters. 

It effectively was "The Witcher," but not revolving around the Witcher, and it killed the show. 

Given Amazon's inability to be given something culturally important without them injecting modern political nonsense into it, this is likely what's going to end up happening, and if they're going to do that then why make a Bond movie at all?

Time will tell, but if I were to put money on it, I'd say that the Bond franchise is officially dead. I hope I'm wrong, but I doubt I am.