Fine! You Want the National Anthem Changed? How About This?

Picture yourself watching yet another American win the gold during their Olympic event. As they stand on top tier of the platform, gold medal on their breast, hand over their heart, they wait for the American National Anthem to begin.

Then this kicks up, and the Americans sing along proudly, patriotic tears lining their eyes.

Due to the recent anger generated by 49ers QB, Colin Kaepernick, not standing for the National Anthem because it represents an unjust country with oppressed peoples…or something, Gabe Carey had an idea.

Because actually trying to fix the problems would take too long for people like Kaepernick – who do nothing but sit down instead of stand up for what they believe – why not replace our old and busted anthem with a hot, fresh song from a Sonic the Hedgehog game? It has everything we need for a better America. Chasing rainbows, following our pain, and being set free!

Oh, but Carey didn’t just suggest it, he took action and created a Change.org petition to have the song changed.

NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick has been under fire recently for refusing to stand during the performance of our country’s national anthem “The Star-Spangled Banner.” Because of the injustices occurring in the United States of America, the 49ers player disagrees with the message being conveyed by Francis Scott Key’s lyrics.

The obvious solution would be to rid our nation of the injustices Kaepernick is protesting. However, that would take a lot of hard work and determination that we’ve clearly been incapable of to this point. So, instead, I suggest to President Barrack Obama that we change the national anthem to Ted Poley and Tony Harnell’s more upbeat and less controversial “Escape from the City” as featured in the smash-hit video game Sonic Adventure 2.

Since posting it, Carey’s petition has received a whopping 12,000 plus signatures, with only under 3,000 more to go to reach the 15,000 signature goal. In fact, the campaign is so successful, that Carey has even had t-shirts made up to help spread the word, and the newfound pride in our country.

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It’s like we’re watching a real life version of Sarcastaball. Ultimately, Carey offers us a choice.

Tell us, America, would you rather be reminded of the constant violence and threats faced by the soldiers of 1812 to get to this still-divided point in U.S. history or be set free by the rush of danger lurking around every turn as you follow your rainbow at the speed of sound?

Gotta go fast…for Merica.