The Pulitzer Prize Dis-Honors: Psychic Vegetables, Racist Chicken, and Marital Aid Chess Cheats

(AP Photo/Stack’s Bowers Galleries)

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism worthy of a skewed version of Pulitzer Prize consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions for the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. To properly recognize the low watermark in the press, let us get right to the latest exemplars of journalistic mis-excellence.


Distinguished Investigative Reporting

  • Francesca Gariano — NBC News

When it comes to charges of racism the media these days just loves to run with accusations, facts and evidence need not be applied. We saw it recently with the outrage at BYU over the claims of racist taunts from the fans at a volleyball game which were shown to have not occurred. Now comes an online accusal that the fast food chain Chick-Fil-A might have been racist towards a customer, and since it is seen in some circles as a controversial company it is all the more reason not to investigate the charge.

This idiocy began when a fan asked the Chik-Fil-A Twitter account when they might see a return of the spicy chicken nuggets on the menu. The hateful response? “Your community will be the first to know if spicy items are added to the permanent menu, Don!” What had some hyper-sensitive hysterics in a twist was that the customer was apparently black and the use of the term “your community” is…supposed to be racist…somehow…I think? Well NBC News rushed ahead with this asinine report and did so without doing even the barest amount of investigating.

It turns out the company uses that very term frequently when responding to customers, regardless of their apparent ethnicity.



Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

  • Emily Peck — Axios

Last week the latest Consumer Price Index report came out showing inflation remains an ongoing concern, and the press continues in its futile attempt to deliver a positive spin on the negative economics on behalf of Joe Biden. One journalist straining an oblique muscle in making a stretch was Emily Peck. She tried vainly to find good news in the new negative figures; seven states will be sliding their minimum wages upward based on this August report.

Of course, this is hardly good news for the remaining states, and it barely helps those receiving this increase, as it lags the previous months, does not go into effect until January, and still means wages are growing less than inflation — all while having to admit inflation is in fact a real problem. But Emily sure sounded excited about this as she promoted her piece.


Distinguished Public Service

  • Ali Velshi — MSNBC

The passing of Queen Elizabeth has been big news, and at MSNBC Ali Velshi brought on a British Historian and expert on the Royals to lend some insight and broaden our experience about the arcane practices of the British Crown. Oh, wait, no sorry — he brought the man on in order to shut him down and lecture to him about the venalities of the British Empire.

Of course, in order to do so, Velshi had to ignore the actions of Elizabeth who oversaw many of the nations under British rule gaining their independence as well as ignoring the historian explaining that all of the countries in the Commonwealth lent their support to Charles ascending to the throne.



Distinguished International Reporting

  • Neil Shaw — Wales Online

“Spears Seer Queers Chaz Lasting Years”

While there is intrigue surrounding King Charles taking the throne, word has come down that it may be short-lived. In Wales, a psychic has determined she sees him stepping down in a year or so, allowing William to rise to the title of King. Before you scoff, she has been credited with making a number of ROyal predictions, including the death of the queen and Prince Harry becoming a pariah.

She makes her bold predictions by reading asparagus. She is literally called an Asparamancer. Okay, you can scoff now.


Distinguished Cultural Criticism 

  • NBC News

In the mad rush to scorch Ron DeSantis over the move of sending immigrants to Martha’s Vineyard, NBC sent out a tweet from an activist. In the mad desire to label the Florida governor as inhumane and vile and evil, they had to resort to describing the Hispanic immigrants as “trash”.



Distinguished Local Reporting

  • (This nomination has since been pulled as the reporter went unidentified after the nomination was submitted and no local reporters were willing to note who this journalist had been.)

During a recent press conference in Las Vegas concerning the death of a local reporter at the hands of a Democratic Party politician, a news conference was held by the local sheriff to detail the arrest and update on the investigation. During a Q&A segment, the sheriff was asked if he felt this violence had been a result of former President Trump inspiring intolerance towards journalists.


Distinguished Sports Reporting

  • Natalie O’Neill — New York Post

While there is excitement over the chess world’s Sinquefield Cup being staged in StLouis, there is also controversy, with some allegations of cheating coming from a dark place. One of the world’s grandmasters was defeated in a very early round and his abrupt departure from the event has rumblings being heard. The upset by a 19-year-old wiping the table of the master has raised a stink in the chess world, with some speculation that the young player used a device to possibly determine what moves to make.

Specifically, it has been theorized the player had a sex toy in his anus that would remotely buzz to signal his, er – movements, on the board. When officials wanted to get to the bottom of the controversy and confronted him over the possible cheeky maneuver, Hans Neiman said, “If they want me to strip fully naked, I’ll do it.”




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